Tag Archives: mother

Lessons Learned on the Caregivers Floor

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Lessons Learned on the Caregivers FloorMy concerns over needing more medical equipment and keeping Mother in bed all night were verified in the early morning hours when I heard a light thud. As I rushed into her room, I found Momma on the floor with her pillow and blankets.

“Momma, whatcha doin’ down there?”

She simply stared at me as I checked her out. Finding that she had not suffered any injuries, I had to determine what to do now.

“Are you having a slumber party?” Big smile and giggles.

“Can I join you? We can sleep in the floor—I would like that.”  She quickly responded with a huge smile and a childlike twinkle in her blue eyes.

With no one available to help me until morning, I rolled her over onto some warm blankets, pillowed her head, and snuggled in beside her for the night. This was the beginning of another adjustment in the ever-changing life of a caregiver.

Now was the time to get a hospital bed moved into our home and I was not ready.

I recall a few days later when I locked her in that bed, the clang of those cold bars as they clicked in place and her stare of disapproval. It didn’t seem right to lock my own mother up!

“Oh, Mommy, you gonna really like this new bed of yours. Look at this, you got blanket holders to keep your blankets on the bed so you’ll stay warm all night long.”

It was important that I not show any frustration in my expressions as I continued:  “And you have a brand new mattress—aren’t you just somethin’ now!”

For my mother in her situation, those silly little conversations helped us survive the constant changes without a lot of stress. Mother had become so much like a child, living in and for the moment at hand. She seemed to reflect the atmosphere around her.

For you it may be different.  The reality is the same in any given situation: our attitude and approach to situations greatly influence how others will react. Whatever the ages of the persons involved, a smile and kind word will generally make difficult situations easier to manage.

Did I necessarily want to giggle or to sleep on the floor? No! I wanted to share my frustrations with someone. I wanted to complain because she was in the floor and I had no help.

This one thing I can promise: “My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory.” Somehow He always gave me the strength and wisdom I needed to make it through. I hope you rely on Him for help and comfort.

Hugs,

Learn more from MY MOTHER MY CHILD available on this website. Did you sign up for the newsletter?

5 Easy Tips to Help Lighten Your Load

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Being Mother’s full time caregiver was often difficult work, filled with daily challenges. It took all the energies and resources I had available and then some. It changed my priorities, it tied me down and wore me out; it could seem to be a thankless job.

Can you relate? Are the tasks looming before you overwhelming at times?  Do you wish for help only to find the help was inadequate at best? Do you often feel you would have been better off to do the work yourself although you know you cannot do it all.

Like water heating in a teakettle; these feelings can quickly boil and soon break out into unkind words or actions if not held at bay. (I speak from experience here).

There are no easy answers or quick-fixes. People in each situation are different; circumstances vary; needs versus wants must be defined for your particular responsibilities.

Here are five simple ideas that helped me cope when the load seemed too heavy to carry.

#1 Breathe. Too simple? Not really! When you feel stress coming, stop long enough to look away from the situation and breathe deeply. Stand up tall, close your eyes and breathe in for five counts through your nose. Hold that a few seconds, then slowly breathe out through your mouth. Relax, repeat.

#2 Hum or sing a little bit. I confess I am not a singer (my entire family will agree). However, when things got really tough with Momma, I would sing softly, “Jesus loves me, this I know … “as I continued my work. Even today when life gets crazy around me, I softly sing that song and my spirit quiets inside.

#3 Exercise. Even when you feel you cannot do any exercise—no time, energy or ability—you can do something. A very simple stretch works wonders. Stand on tip toes behind a chair for balance and slowly lower and raise your body. Reach for the stars, one hand, then the other, then both. A few minutes every hour or so will help keep your blood flowing and your body limber.

#4 Write. Keep a notebook handy to jot down your feelings—good and not so good. Let all that anger flow from your brain through your fingers and onto the page. Don’t fail to find something good to write down about the one you are caring for and about yourself.

#5 Smile. Now, I know this suggestion sounds a little misplaced. Just try it, look in the mirror and smile—big, big cheesy grin. You tried it and giggled, didn’t you? Laughter IS the best medicine!

Perhaps caring for someone can be a thankless job and overwhelming at times. But truthfully,  it is foremost a fantastic blessing, an opportunity to be Jesus’ hands and feet to someone. It’s a privilege, an awesome responsibility, an opportunity to encourage, to make a hurting soul feel happy and loved. The ability to care is a gift from God.

“Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need! He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams. He gives me new strength. He helps me do what honors him the most.” (Psalm 23:1-3, TLB).

Blessings and hugs to you as you care for others,

Some thoughts taken from MY MOTHER MY CHILD available on this website.

Vital Information Not Just for Caregivers

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Are you familiar with these terms: Durable Power of Attorney? Health Care Directive? Advanced Directives? What is the difference between a Living Will and a Health Care Directive? Have you made end of life decisions for yourself as well as your family (all ages)? Are they up-to-date? Does the physician and hospital have copies?

We are often careful to make sure these things are in place for the elderly; for those in our care. However, every day we hear of accidents, crimes, and illnesses with no respect to age or infirmity. Suppose you or a loved one faces a major crises; have decisions been made before hand concerning the wishes of the individual?

Recently I attended an End of Life Seminar presented by a Hospital Hospice Group. Every individual should attend such a conference. In our state of Missouri, hospice groups not only provide for the individual nearing death, they provide needed resources for the client and family. They are equipped to answer concerns about financial needs and grief counseling. Hospice is also suited for dealing with pain; it is what they do on a regular basis and they are very good at it.

Only when you are no longer able to make or communicate your decisions does your advance directive go into effect. Generally it is effective until the time of your death and is valid in another state, especially if it is both notarized and witnessed. The right to make an advance directive has been constitutionally affirmed. Healthcare providers have both legal and ethical duties to respect the patient’s wishes.

I know from personal experience, even knowing Mother’s wishes, it is often difficult to let them go when that time comes. We want to hold on to our loved ones as long as possible. Let me give you a sentence to hold on to that will help you immensely in that situation: It is not about you or me, it is about them. Remember their desires and honor what the patient wanted as much as possible.

In this short article, it is impossible to address these issues in depth. I am hoping I will have perked your interest enough to seek out some help and make sure these things are in place for yourself, your client, and your family. Contact your local hospice groups for direction and help. Many of these issues can be handled safely and legally through local agencies without the cost of attorneys. Be sure you know your state’s requirements.

I believe the most important end of life issue was settled on the cross. For myself, I know where I am going and Jesus paid the price. I’m thankful for the peace that promise brings. I would like to simply close my eyes some night and open them in the arms of the Lord but that is not mine to determine. However, I want to do all I can to make my leaving easier for those who will care for me in the end. I hope this article will be of help to you.

Hugs and Blessings,

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