Tag Archives: mother

Keeping a Journal When Caring for Family

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Do you find it difficult to journal, or are you one of those persons that jot down every tiny thing that happens? Some find it hard to put into words their feelings while others think it unnecessary.

Let me share with you a few of my journal entries written in January five years before Mother died:
Mother is watching the parade of colorful birds feeding outside the window, including more than a dozen bright red cardinals. The sun is coming up over the hill adding diamonds to the snow-packed yard. Crystal limbs hang heavy and beautiful in the shimmering sunlight. After days of being extremely ill, she is doing great and going to be okay. The promise of a new day beckons and I’m ready! It’s a new year, time for renewed commitments; hopes for a better tomorrow.

Only three days later I wrote:
I have such an overwhelming sense of my need for the Lord today. Mom’s been so sick again. I wonder if she’ll need to be hospitalized. I checked on her then sat down with my Bible. Before turning a page, I felt those tears run down my cheek and my spirit praying, “Lord, I need You. I am so totally helpless. I cannot make these decisions concerning Mother and our family without You. Little seemingly ordinary decisions loom heavy in my heart and I need You so much.”

One week later the journal continues:
I’m so excited I can barely contain myself. Earlier as I snuggled on Russell’s shoulder and we talked, I felt a renewed sense of wonder and peace. When I took Mother’s second cup of coffee to her room, she was as bright-eyed and full of smiles as she ever had been. She had brushed her own hair and was eager to face this new day. And so am I.

I am so thankful to have these writings; most of which no one will ever read. Many of them are too personal to share, at least for now. However, having the journals has given me a sense of peace about my years of caring for her. When I begin to wonder if I could have done more, I can look back and realize what a difficult time it was for each of us. I can know that we were in God’s hands and did the best we could.

Reading these entries reminds me how much we loved her. I can recall God’s overwhelming presence in the most difficult times and find comfort. I see how He showered us with His blessings over and over again.
You do not need to be a writer to journal. You may never ever write a book or even a short story. You may not want to share any of your journaling with a single soul and that is okay. But, I challenge you to write anyway. It’s therapeutic to write your feelings down on paper. Writing from the moment of confusion, anger or even the feeling of helplessness will often help sort things out later. The key is to write your thoughts as soon as you can and close the book.

You will find many of my journal entries in my book, MY MOTHER MY CHILD. I will tell you honestly, there are volumes of notes left out. These, at least for now, are shared only by God and me. They are written on napkins, scrap paper, sales receipts, whatever was handy at the time. They are priceless personal treasures.

I pray you will make some priceless personal treasures of your own this week. Try it, I promise you’ll like it. Let me hear from you.
Hugs,

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Saying Goodbye to Mother the Final Hours

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Mother celebrated her last birthday by staring over and over again at the huge stack of cards on her table. I wondered if she recognized any of the names. Or did she realize it was her 90th birthday? I took comfort in watching her smile as she carefully handled each one, knowing they brought blessing and pleasure to her for the moment.

Soon, too soon, she would again be taken to ICU and from there to a skilled nursing facility. Having the positive assurance of heaven made our expected parting so much easier. This reassurance was repeated several times before she actually went home. “Mommy, I’ll keep you forever if you want me to; but, I’ll let you go be with Jesus when you are ready.”

Holding her hands in ICU, I would sing old familiar hymns to her. Although she had not been able to verbally communicate in months, a few stanzas of “Rock of Ages” would spur her to “hum” along with me. Her hums and my singing left much to be desired to the outside world but I knew in my heart that our Father in heaven was honored and my precious mother was comforted. Amazingly, this girl that never sings in public could not have cared less who heard our duet.

Days later, in the skilled care nursing home, I caress her tiny, cold hand and recall all the work those hands have done in ninety years; good work and honorable. I think of all the care she’s given to others. I think how much those who didn’t get to know her have missed. I want her to go on home, but I miss her so much already.

At 6:40 God answered my prayer and Mother peacefully went to sleep. No more pain. I was blessed to be there holding her hand and singing to her:  “Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God, born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.”   Thank you, Jesus.

My prayer for you today is that those in your care are ready to go home; that they know Jesus personally. I pray that you have that assurance for yourself. What joy to know where Mother is; I look forward to seeing her again someday.

Today’s article is from pages in my book, MY MOTHER MY CHILD, and available through my store  .

Hugs,

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Facing the Reality of Caregiving the Final Journey

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            As I write this, a precious friend is in a hospital room, miles from here, loving on her mother and holding her hand until time for her to go Home.

            I remember that time with Momma. We knew she was slipping away; she was frail and tired and ready to leave this old world for a better place.

            “Mommy, are you just tired? Are you ready to be with Jesus?” I smiled at her, gave her little tender kisses, wiped her wrinkled brow and assured her it was okay if she wanted to go.

           This was too hard; emotions struggled with truth as the child in me wanted to hang on and keep her here. She was my momma, my security through all these years; my lap to curl on, shoulder to cry on, a hug to depend upon.

            Her journey had been rough the last few years. Her ninety plus years had worn on her frail body; she looked tired—she was tired. It would be wrong to pull her back if I could, but it was difficult to let her go. I knew life would never be the same for me.

            I wonder, how is it with you? Are your family members ready to face that time that we each must face? Are you? There is much to think about and do when caring for someone; many things you need in place for yourself. I have found an exciting tool to keep all the necessary information for our entire family in one place, easy accessible to those who need it. This is not simply for end of life issues, but for every day needs as well. Click here to learn more.

            If you are a hired caregiver, do you know what to do for your client when that time comes; what your job demands, what is expected of you? Can you help the family in some way to be prepared for the inevitable?

            As you read this column today, please know that as I stopped to pray for my friend and her family, I also took time to pray for each of you who will be reading this. I prayed for God’s wisdom and peace in your life and those around you. I thanked Him for you as you give so willingly of yourself, your time, your resources to care for others. I thanked Him for the countless lives who have touched mine throughout the years, encouraging, teaching, leaving a mark.

            Have a great week. Let me hear from you,

Hugs,

          

P.S.  “I know the plans I have for you, saith the Lord, plans for good to give you a hope … ” from Jeremiah 29:11-13.