Tag Archives: family

3 Tips: Coping After the Loss of a Parent

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3 Tips: Coping After the Loss of a Parent

Family caregivers develop a special bond with aging parents.

Mother’s death left a big hole in my heart; I miss her terribly. Family caregivers know how the bond grows stronger as you daily meet needs of a loved one. I miss hugging her neck every morning, tucking her in at night, brushing her hair, and watching her child-like smile when she was pampered.

Several years have passed since her death and I still want to head for her room to talk.  She left a big hole that none can fill, our entire household has changed. No other caregivers or help is needed; neighbors and friends from church have gone on to care for other families; it’s too, too quiet at times.

Home life can change in unexpected ways after a loss.

In our home, lively, colorful cartoons and kids’ shows have given way to old westerns and mysteries. My husband does not watch cartoons with me, but he would sit and watch them with her. It isn’t the cartoons that we miss; it’s watching her reaction to them. Mother loved the colorful characters and cheerful, lively music.  We miss the laughter that permeated the house so often as we tried to help fill her long days with beautiful memories.

As I look back upon the last few years, I see at least three things that have helped us in our home deal with that empty hole. Perhaps these few tips will be helpful to you and your family if you are caring for a parent or the elderly in your home or in theirs. At the very least, may it give you food for thought.

Develop a plan for the inevitable.

#1 If you are caring for someone in your home, consider what will be done with their personal belongings. For some readers, that may seem premature, but it is one of many tasks that will have to be taken care of eventually. Having a plan makes the transition less stressful on you and your family.

Mother and I shared a walk-in closet in her large bathroom. I had planned ahead where I would send her clothing; yet it was still very difficult to take things of the hangers and put them into a box. I did not want the entire closet; I wanted my mommy and her stuff! Working through that time is a natural part of the grieving process.

A note to spouses: I know widowers and widows who have kept things just as they were in their home after their mate died. This is generally very unhealthy; we must allow time to grieve and then face reality. For some it may be a few months, for others a longer period of time, but it must be done.

Choose carefully, you cannot keep everything.

#2 Keep a memory box. Again, this was difficult. I wanted to keep all she had touched; everything that had been meaningful to her. I carefully chose a beautiful wire basket and began to sort out the very best keepsakes from her last few years: two well-chewed children’s books, a small album, photographs, a little notebook she had scribbled in; and a yellow silk rose (her favorite flower).

This basket is not a monument to her, it’s simply a group of tender memories of treasured days gone by. The pretty basket serves as a gentle reminder of the child in each of us and the Faithful Father who unconditionally supplies our every need.

Try this third one, I promise you it will work.

#3 Purchase a pretty journal or notebook for yourself. When you want to talk to your loved one, write a note. Write your honest feelings. It never ceases to amaze me how God can use our written words to cleanse our souls. No one may ever read your words, in fact, they do not need to read them. This is a private conversation between you and your departed or between you and God. If you feel you are not a writer and what you would write may not make sense, even be a little silly, try it anyway.

Life is a journey. Sometimes it’s a rough one and our emotions seem to have the upper hand. Take time to reflect on the good memories. Take time to daily love God and allow Him to love on you. The best way to honor your loved one is to be a blessing to someone else.

Portions of this article taken from My Mother My Child.

Hugs,

My Mother My Child now available as an e-book at Amazon.com and major bookstores. Check out the new book trailer on the right of this page.

Celebrate Spring with Quick, Healthy Alternatives

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Celebrate Spring with Quick, Healthy AlternativesSpring is in the air. Help your family and those in your care celebrate spring by upping the menu a bit with pineapple for quick, healthy meals. Pineapple is in season March through June and canned pineapple readily available. Rich in vitamin C and manganese, it’s a go to food for the health conscious.

Consider the following ideas even if you are thinking pineapple is not a food you use often. I want to move you from thinking desserts or plain pineapple to some new ideas NOTE: be sure to read to the end for a great recipe.

Think of pineapple to replace other foods. Tomatoes, for instance, are extremely expensive and tasteless right now. See below how they are replaced on sandwiches for an exciting change.

Here are five simple ways to incorporate pineapple into your menu.
1. Sandwiches: bacon, lettuce and pineapple slice on a bun; grilled chicken and pineapple sliders; ham and pineapple croissants; tuna, celery and pineapple on toast.
2. Shrimp salad: diced pineapple and chopped shrimp with ground ginger and olive oil on a bed of romaine lettuce. Also a simple salsa of diced pineapple and chili peppers makes a great complement to fish dishes.
3. Pineapple salsa: fresh pinapple, diced peppers, frozen corn, black beans (drained and rinsed), chopped onions, one chopped chili pepper, ¼ c fresh cilantro, ¼ cup orange juice and salt and pepper to taste.
4. Grill pineapple slices in a little butter, olive oil, or vegetable oil or on the grill outside. Add a little soy sauce or drizzle with honey or maple syrup for a snack or fun side dish. Pineapple goes well with port, fish and chicken dishes.
5. Add pineapple tidbits or chunks to scrambled eggs, fried potatoes, or other dishes for a touch of spring in your taste buds!

Here is a recipe for healthy teriyaki pineapple chicken.
2 chicken breasts cubed
Veggies: thin sliced red, green and yellow peppers; 1 cup fresh sliced mushrooms; small chopped onion.
1 8 oz can pineapple chunks with liquid
1 tsp garlic powder

Cook chicken cubes in 2 T oil until pink is gone; add veggies and simmer until tender, stir in ¼ cup flower and simmer to thicken. Serves 8. Serve over rice or pasta. AlsoThis also makes a good pita sandwich or as a side dish.
Please let me know if this stretched your thinking a bit on varying your menu.

Hugs,

Check out my store page for information on my book. I’m so excited about how God is using this rewrite with a Discussion Guide at the end of each chapter. Great gift idea! Click on book at right for more information.

Individualized Music for Dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease

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Individualized Music for Dementia and Alzheimer's DiseaseFor persons with dementia and its many forms, stress is a very real problem. Concerned family members and caregivers are at a loss to make life better.

What is Individualized Music?

Recent studies using music therapy–particularly individualized music–have proven that music can play a key role in making life easier. Individualized music is music that has been a part of a person’s life and is based on personal preference

Why music works better than conversation.

As memory fades, so does one’s ability to process other sensory stimuli, thus an increase in stress and agitated behavior. Too often we assume the patient is simply overly demanding and should be able to control themselves. Music generally has a calming effect on others by changing the focus of attention If music chosen to play is familiar and associated with positive feelings, the music with have a soothing effect.

I does not take much time or effort to make a difference.

Just thirty minutes a day for two or three days a week has proven to make a significant difference in the anxiety level of the entire household. The family can be involved; children want to be helpful but are confused. Perhaps they can be in charge of playing music at a certain time, or sitting by the elderly person and listening with them.

Some tips in choosing the music:

1 Remember the music is for the patient, not you. If they cannot verbalize their preferences, choose music from their era or something you recall them singing or listening to.

2 Be cautious with volume; loud enough to hear, not so loud it grates on the nerves.

3. Vary the tunes, consider videos and audios. Find some perky children’s tunes that generate smiles and happy feelings.

4. Short periods of time will generally be more effective than too much music at one setting.

5. Not everyone responds to music therapy; be sensitive to the needs of each individual.

Whatever you do, music or other things, always serve with a smile. We all know, a genuine smile is good medicine for the giver as well as the recipient.

Hugs,

For a more detailed study by the World Journal of Psychiatry, click here.