Tag Archives: family

6 Keys to Easing Strained Relationships

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6 Keys to Easing Strained RelationshipsTreasure what you have now; be ready for change.

My husband was my greatest encourager during the years we were caring for Mother. He was always ready to help me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He carefully guided me through each decision but let me make the final call.

We had spoiled each other—we enjoyed talking, playing, and working together. At first Mother’s care was minimal and my husband and I continued our daily routines. I never realized how our relationship suffered as I gradually spent more time and energy on her needs and less on his. Although this shift was inevitable, I learned some simple tips that made the changes easier. Perhaps these tips will help you in your situation.

Become aware of your specific needs; then act.

#1. Take time to ask your family or friends how the current situation affects them. Do they feel slighted? Are there needs they have you can still provide? Do they feel left out?

#2. Realize you cannot go back to the way it was; life does not stay the same for anyone. The commitment to care for someone means your life and those around you will change.

Grow better or bitter, the choice is ultimately yours.

My husband is precious, but he does not prepare meals, do laundry, or make the beds. That wasn’t an issue with the two of us; or with the children home. After Mom came, I did, however, catch myself envying those whose husbands could help in that way. Note: the Lord has a way of reminding us what really matters, and it’s not that sink of dirty dishes!

#3. Refuse to dwell on what you cannot change. Live in the present and make the most of it. Be open to new ideas, new ways of doing things. If you are set in your ways like I am, this can be a difficult step, but well worth the journey. I remind myself daily, it is people and not things that are important.

#4. Develop a new plan. What is it that you can do to encourage those around you? Does it seem you are pushing them away because of your busy-ness? Can you change your schedule to accommodate some of their needs as well?

#5. Accept help when offered, even when you know the task will not be done “right”. This was difficult for me. I learned it was okay if the towels were folded incorrectly or dishes and groceries were put in the wrong places.

#6. Find a smile and see it reflected time and again on those around you. I am always amazed at the difference a simple smile makes. Try it on yourself—right now. Face a mirror with your eyes closed, smile real big and look at yourself. (Did you chuckle?)

There will always be changes in our lives. Parents, kids, grandkids, other family and friends move in and out of our lives seeking love and nurturing. With God’s help we can learn to look up instead of down and enjoy the journey.

Hugs,

(Information for this article was taken from my book, MY MOTHER MY CHILD.)

Caregiver Alert: A Little Happy Goes a Long Way

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a little happy goes a long way

Today, let us count some happy!

We are bombarded with heavy news: he said, she said, they did …! We need encouragement. I am gonna get outa this rut and find some happy. I promise, p-r-o-m-i-s-e, you will find some happy too!

Five reasons to be happy today.

#1 I’m happy because I can read. Seriously? Yes! Last week we had casserole with hot, hot peppers in the chopped tomatoes because I didn’t take time to read the label. We don’t do hot peppers!  What about those shoppers that brave the stores and cannot read labels?

#2 I’m happy because I can open my door and breathe in fresh, clean air. No raging war outside my door, no fires, no starving wee ones on the corners.

#3 I’m happy because I chose to care for Mother, hubby, family. Not everyone has someone to care for. God entrusts us with loved ones; then He enables us to care for them and love on them, even when the road gets rough at times.

#4. I am happy because I have a bed to crawl into, a chair to rest in, a refrigerator with good food and fresh water to drink. Many, many, many do not!

#5 I am happy because I have friends to write letters to and friends who share their burdens and joys with me. Friends like you, dear ones, who make my life happy by simply sharing in it.

And, I have a Friend, Jesus, I can talk to everyday. He shares my joys, my sorrows, and knows my deepest needs. I pray you know Him, too. He can make the heaviest day a happy one as we learn to leave our burdens with Him.

Have a great week.

Check out my articles in a new book from Springfield Writer’s Guild: Creative Collections. Short stories and poems are a great way to find a little happy when time is short and you need a pic-me-up.

3 Tips: Coping After the Loss of a Parent

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3 Tips: Coping After the Loss of a Parent

Family caregivers develop a special bond with aging parents.

Mother’s death left a big hole in my heart; I miss her terribly. Family caregivers know how the bond grows stronger as you daily meet needs of a loved one. I miss hugging her neck every morning, tucking her in at night, brushing her hair, and watching her child-like smile when she was pampered.

Several years have passed since her death and I still want to head for her room to talk.  She left a big hole that none can fill, our entire household has changed. No other caregivers or help is needed; neighbors and friends from church have gone on to care for other families; it’s too, too quiet at times.

Home life can change in unexpected ways after a loss.

In our home, lively, colorful cartoons and kids’ shows have given way to old westerns and mysteries. My husband does not watch cartoons with me, but he would sit and watch them with her. It isn’t the cartoons that we miss; it’s watching her reaction to them. Mother loved the colorful characters and cheerful, lively music.  We miss the laughter that permeated the house so often as we tried to help fill her long days with beautiful memories.

As I look back upon the last few years, I see at least three things that have helped us in our home deal with that empty hole. Perhaps these few tips will be helpful to you and your family if you are caring for a parent or the elderly in your home or in theirs. At the very least, may it give you food for thought.

Develop a plan for the inevitable.

#1 If you are caring for someone in your home, consider what will be done with their personal belongings. For some readers, that may seem premature, but it is one of many tasks that will have to be taken care of eventually. Having a plan makes the transition less stressful on you and your family.

Mother and I shared a walk-in closet in her large bathroom. I had planned ahead where I would send her clothing; yet it was still very difficult to take things of the hangers and put them into a box. I did not want the entire closet; I wanted my mommy and her stuff! Working through that time is a natural part of the grieving process.

A note to spouses: I know widowers and widows who have kept things just as they were in their home after their mate died. This is generally very unhealthy; we must allow time to grieve and then face reality. For some it may be a few months, for others a longer period of time, but it must be done.

Choose carefully, you cannot keep everything.

#2 Keep a memory box. Again, this was difficult. I wanted to keep all she had touched; everything that had been meaningful to her. I carefully chose a beautiful wire basket and began to sort out the very best keepsakes from her last few years: two well-chewed children’s books, a small album, photographs, a little notebook she had scribbled in; and a yellow silk rose (her favorite flower).

This basket is not a monument to her, it’s simply a group of tender memories of treasured days gone by. The pretty basket serves as a gentle reminder of the child in each of us and the Faithful Father who unconditionally supplies our every need.

Try this third one, I promise you it will work.

#3 Purchase a pretty journal or notebook for yourself. When you want to talk to your loved one, write a note. Write your honest feelings. It never ceases to amaze me how God can use our written words to cleanse our souls. No one may ever read your words, in fact, they do not need to read them. This is a private conversation between you and your departed or between you and God. If you feel you are not a writer and what you would write may not make sense, even be a little silly, try it anyway.

Life is a journey. Sometimes it’s a rough one and our emotions seem to have the upper hand. Take time to reflect on the good memories. Take time to daily love God and allow Him to love on you. The best way to honor your loved one is to be a blessing to someone else.

Portions of this article taken from My Mother My Child.

Hugs,

My Mother My Child now available as an e-book at Amazon.com and major bookstores. Check out the new book trailer on the right of this page.