5 Ways to Listen With Compassion

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          In our hectic, busy world, one of the greatest gifts you can give to your family and others in your care is to listen well. Compassionate listening is an art; it takes practice. It takes patience. It takes time.

            Charles Dickens has said: No one is useless in the world who lightens the burden of it to anyone else.  One of the best ways to lighten a load is to learn to become a good listener.

1     Try not to judge another persons reactions to a situation or give unsolicited advice. You may not relate to what the person is saying, but it is real to them. This can be tricky if you are caring for someone with memory issues; however, they need a compassionate ear.

2     Think about the person you are listening to. Consider their health and well-being. Are they confined to a chair, bed, or room for most of their time? Before you hurriedly walk away, think about the fact that you may be the only person all day that has actually taken a few minutes to listen to their story.

3     Learn to listen carefully for clues as someone talks to you. Do they sound overly concerned about what should be an insignificant matter? Could there be more to the story than is being said? Could there be hidden reasons for their concern?

4     Learn to give appropriate feedback. Instead of saying, “I know how you feel,” try saying, “That must be difficult for you.” Or simply say “I’m sorry you are feeling this way.”  As I visited with a recent widow this week, I could not say I knew how she felt even though I had experienced the loss of a husband. My experience was not hers; I can understand the hurt, but I needed to hear her story, hold her hand, and say “I’m so sorry.”

5     This last tip may seem to be the most obvious. However, it is often the most neglected. Give a smile and a gentle hug. A smile has a tremendous healing effect on everyone. Pray for the situation when appropriate; at least add the concern to your personal prayer list. A simple pat on the hand or shoulder and a genuine smile can make the day for someone. Good medicine for them–and good for you!

As you take time to really listen, you will reduce tension and build trust. I like to keep a small notebook handy to jot down concerns I have or things I want to remember for the next conversation. I need the reminders — you may not forget as I do!

You have a great week and as you listen to others, allow time to listen to Our Heavenly Father as well; He is the best Compassionate Listener!

Hugs,

5 Caregiving Lessons from Moms and Grannies

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This morning at a meeting, I observed some of the greatest caregivers ever. Watching them I realize afresh, caregiving IS caring, period. A caregiver is a person of any age who takes time to care for those in their family or their sphere of influence.

I was in a planning meeting today with a group of women, young and not-so-young. from several of our area churches. When I left the house it was below freezing and the ground was snow-covered. I wondered if any would make it.

As ladies drifted in, one granny got her two young grandchildren settled with something to occupy themselves before she grabbed a cup of coffee and joined us. An older girl was likewise made comfortable by her grandmother before she found her seat.

As the hours passed, I watched a young mother quietly feed and care for her infant, meeting his needs as she contributed to the meeting.  

Several of these women had risen early to prepare their homes for their return at lunchtime. Most had driven many miles in freezing weather to attend. We had a record attendance and the enthusiasm was contagious.

I could not help but think of the valuable lessons these little ones are learning from their parents and grandparents. Here are just a few I noted today:

#1 That they are loved, have value, and will be cared for even while the adults have other obligations.

#2  Keeping commitments is important, even when it calls for extra work or inconvenience. They will someday realize the value in serving others, even when it is not necessarily the easiest thing to do.

#3  They observed their parent/grandparent as a calm, organized adult meeting the needs of others even when they could have stayed home by the fire.

#4  They learned by their own actions how to respect and honor those around them; how to be quiet when the adults were busy in a meeting.

#5  And lastly, but certainly not least, they watched first-hand how important serving Jesus and His Church is to their parent/grandparent.

Today was simply a scheduled meeting with a bunch of ladies planning another retreat. Or so it was with some. For their director, it was a worship experience. Those precious ladies came caring for family, yes. They also came caring for their lost friends and neighbors. They came to serve. They are true caregivers!

I am humbled, honored, and blessed.

I wonder, what are you and I teaching in our home with our actions? I pray you and I, too, will never be too busy or too tired to be an encouragement to others.

hugs,

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Life Changing Value of a Caring Smile

Life Changing Value of a Caring Smile

This week I learned of my brother’s good example of a caring smile offered hope for others and encouragement. I think he was as surprised as I that his simple acts of kindness meant so much to others.

We were leaving a gospel concert when an enthusiastic lady practically jumped into his arms. The two of them hugged, giggled, wept like long-lost family as I stood by. He finally introduced me to Lois.

“Pleased to meet you,” she said. “I’m sure you are wondering who in the world I am!”

Well, that was indeed an understatement.

“Your brother saved my life. I do not know how I could have made it through the past few months without his caring smile.”  As Lois shared her story, I saw a different side of my little brother. Lois’ husband had been in dialysis three times a week with Richard. Apparently, her husband did not take it well, was harsh with her and gave the employees a difficult time.

She said Richard’s steady smile had saved her much pain. “Walking out of that place and seeing your brother’s broad smile and bright twinkling eyes gave me courage to keep going one more day.”

Apparently her husband had to be coaxed into returning each visit and grumbled and complained the entire four hours.

My brother, on the other hand, had accepted this as a part of life; he followed doctor’s orders as far as eating and activities and readily came to his appointments. He chose to look beyond his circumstances and encourage those around him.

I am told that he often brings the men and women working in that unit freshly baked treats. He also brings them his first Iris blooms, given heartily with hugs and smiles.

I did not know my brother was such a ray of sunshine! He has chosen to be an encourager and live every day of his life for others regardless of circumstances. I am proud of him.

Perhaps this is a lesson for each of us. When we get tired and want to run away, maybe we need to find someone needing a hug or smile and therefore lighten both our loads.

God bless you on your journey, let me hear from you.