Are You Helping or Hurting Suddenly Single Friends

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My world is filled with friends and relatives who find themselves suddenly single. Many have died suddenly from accidents or health issues. A surprising number of middle age and older couples have faced the devastation of betrayal or abuse and divorce. I have had opportunity to visit with several this month about what they are doing now. Of course, we touched on the subject of how others could encourage them as they make adjustments. The following suggestions (or pleas) are in the words of those I visited from age forty and up. I found them surprising and very helpful in my life as I try to be a better encourager and friend to those God puts in my path.

  1. Don’t coddle me. (I heard this more than once.) I am a grown adult, capable of living on my own and making decisions for myself. Please avoid the tendency to suddenly treat me as a helpless child.
  2. Ask me if I need or want help with certain things about the house and property. Make suggestions to me without telling me what I have to or should do. Allow me to make my own mistakes if necessary. This is a learning process for me.
  3. If our families spent time together as couples, please continue to visit me after my spouse is gone. Losing that relationship with your family simply adds to my loss. Yes, it will be different, but we can grieve and rebuild      together. I will need a familiar, safe shoulder to lean on from time to time.
  4. Do not be afraid to mention his (her) name in my presence. We can remember the good times; we can talk about our families. Do not demean that person in your conversation and do not expect me to tell you all the details. I will  open those discussions when and if I feel the need to do so.

Some of our most precious friendships are those women who have gone through fiery trials of betrayal and divorce and have come out stronger and sweeter as they have trusted God in the midst of their pain. They are comfortable visiting with either of us and have needed both a “brother” and “sister” to lean on. We treasure those relationships which are built on a common trust in a Loving Father and a peace that only He can give. My prayer for you is, whatever your circumstance right now, you have that kind of support around you. And I pray you will be ready and able to support others who need a hand up. As always, I look forward to hearing from you. Hugs, Check out more articles under the HELP tab above.

Caregiving Dietary Needs vs Family Wants

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Mealtime can be complicated when you bring someone into your home with special needs or when a family member is advised to drastically change their eating habits. Your family, like mine, wants meat, potatoes, pastas and breads and snacks. How do you meet these special dietary needs and keep the family content?

Caregivers often feel stretched to the limit. Struggling to prepare foods that meet everyone’s likes and needs can seem overwhelming. Here are a few ideas to ease stress and free some time. At the end is suggestions for a week’s menu.

  1. Determine the absolute needs of each person you will be preparing food for. Is salt an issue? Fats? Gluten? Other considerations?
  2. Look at your list and determine which foods will work for everyone. What items can be adjusted to meet current needs? What can you eliminate completely and still have good variety?
  3. Consider some new foods and dishes that will meet the needs of the entire household. New preparation methods (see below) will add variety and flavor to old standbys.

Here is a simple week’s menu for a household that includes heavy eaters and a person eating gluten-free foods and no meat or meat products.

Load crock pot with beef roast and stew meat. (If you prefer, use chicken or pork for your meat.) As that cooks, fill a large pan with chopped veggies: potatoes, carrots, leeks, green beans, etc. I added frozen vegetables, chopped spinach, and canned chopped tomatoes. Divide when cooked and add stew meat and stock to one pan of vegetables. This will provide each group with several days of good soup.

Later in the week, cook a big pot of beans for everyone. Be sure to add several kinds of beans for variety and taste. Season according to the needs of those you are serving. It’s best if possible to reserve the salt for table use.

For everyone, make a large salad with greens, radish, green onions, peppers, celery, and other fresh vegetables. For added freshness, do not add tomatoes until ready to serve. For variety at the end of the week, add fruit and nuts to the salad.

For between-meal snacks, I kept a large jar of mixed nuts on the counter and loads of fresh fruits and vegetables in the refrigerator. The refrigerator was stocked with boiled eggs, veggie sticks, fresh berries, and apples.

The regular diet will include: hearty stew and cornbread; roast beef, baked potato and salad; bbq beef sandwiches; beef and noodles. The gluten-free, no-meat diet had vegetable stew, salads, and fresh veggies and fruits. Sautéed sliced mushrooms, leeks, and spinach with slivered almonds made a nice warm dish. Try grilling squash, peppers, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, broccoli, asparagus, and many fruits for great addition to a meal.

At night, gluten-free chex topped with low fat yogurt and berries made a healthy, low-cal meal.

The bottom line: relax, don’t stress when challenged with something new. Don’t be afraid to try new things on your family. Everyone benefits with a healthier menu.

Hugs,

Find more tips on healthy eating under my “Articles for Caregivers” tab above.

Caring Enough to Bring Springtime Inside

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Caring Enough to Bring Springtime InsideEntering a friend’s room in a care facility, I cheerfully clutched my fresh-picked daffodil bouquet. The sweet lady in bed was not able to go outside and enjoy the magnificence of springtime’s arrival and I was sure my small gift would brighten her drab room.

I was in complete awe as I entered her room; I felt I walked into a spring garden. Residents and staff had decorated each resident’s room with colorful spring posters and pretty flower cut-outs.  Streamers of bright ribbons adorned pictures on the walls and bows accented the lamps and such. Not only did spring’s arrival permeated each room, the holiday atmosphere grew as each employee joyfully greeted visitors.

One of the staff told me they celebrate each month with all the vigor they can muster. “Not a one of us, after all, is promised a tomorrow! We simply must do all we can do today to celebrate the goodness of God.” Wow! That profound comment was food for thought!

I recall holidays when we were caring for Mother. We hurriedly put out an appropriate card and flower of some sort as holidays came and went and seasons changed. I may have even decorated a cupcake or two. But, to celebrate each day like this? No, not at all.

The truth is, spring has sprung! Easter is here! We have much to celebrate, not the least of which is A Risen Savior! How better to spread the Good News of New Life than to splash color around your home; at least in the room occupied by the home-bound. Give them and your family something new to gaze upon. Add life and interest to your home.

Celebrate family! Celebrate life!

I pray for you, dear friend, that you find rest when you are weary. I pray you find resources to meet your needs and those in your care. I pray you find courage and hope for the days ahead.

Most of all, I pray as Easter approaches, that you know the Savior that rose from the grave that day and offered His free gift of Eternal Life and Hope to all who would receive it. Happy Easter!  Blessings and hugs to each of you.

Thanks for dropping by; leave a note and I’ll answer. Share with friends so they will sign up for my newsletter (box at the top right of the page). You can help me be an encourager to those who need a weekly hug. Blessings.