Tag Archives: stress

Keeping a Journal When Caring for Family

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Do you find it difficult to journal, or are you one of those persons that jot down every tiny thing that happens? Some find it hard to put into words their feelings while others think it unnecessary.

Let me share with you a few of my journal entries written in January five years before Mother died:
Mother is watching the parade of colorful birds feeding outside the window, including more than a dozen bright red cardinals. The sun is coming up over the hill adding diamonds to the snow-packed yard. Crystal limbs hang heavy and beautiful in the shimmering sunlight. After days of being extremely ill, she is doing great and going to be okay. The promise of a new day beckons and I’m ready! It’s a new year, time for renewed commitments; hopes for a better tomorrow.

Only three days later I wrote:
I have such an overwhelming sense of my need for the Lord today. Mom’s been so sick again. I wonder if she’ll need to be hospitalized. I checked on her then sat down with my Bible. Before turning a page, I felt those tears run down my cheek and my spirit praying, “Lord, I need You. I am so totally helpless. I cannot make these decisions concerning Mother and our family without You. Little seemingly ordinary decisions loom heavy in my heart and I need You so much.”

One week later the journal continues:
I’m so excited I can barely contain myself. Earlier as I snuggled on Russell’s shoulder and we talked, I felt a renewed sense of wonder and peace. When I took Mother’s second cup of coffee to her room, she was as bright-eyed and full of smiles as she ever had been. She had brushed her own hair and was eager to face this new day. And so am I.

I am so thankful to have these writings; most of which no one will ever read. Many of them are too personal to share, at least for now. However, having the journals has given me a sense of peace about my years of caring for her. When I begin to wonder if I could have done more, I can look back and realize what a difficult time it was for each of us. I can know that we were in God’s hands and did the best we could.

Reading these entries reminds me how much we loved her. I can recall God’s overwhelming presence in the most difficult times and find comfort. I see how He showered us with His blessings over and over again.
You do not need to be a writer to journal. You may never ever write a book or even a short story. You may not want to share any of your journaling with a single soul and that is okay. But, I challenge you to write anyway. It’s therapeutic to write your feelings down on paper. Writing from the moment of confusion, anger or even the feeling of helplessness will often help sort things out later. The key is to write your thoughts as soon as you can and close the book.

You will find many of my journal entries in my book, MY MOTHER MY CHILD. I will tell you honestly, there are volumes of notes left out. These, at least for now, are shared only by God and me. They are written on napkins, scrap paper, sales receipts, whatever was handy at the time. They are priceless personal treasures.

I pray you will make some priceless personal treasures of your own this week. Try it, I promise you’ll like it. Let me hear from you.
Hugs,

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Refreshing Wisdom from a Young Caregiving Mother

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My thanks to Ashley Haupt for today’s article. I appreciate her insight; I hope this will be an encouragement to all caregivers, whether for wee ones or the elderly.

My toenails depress me.

They aren’t particularly problematic. They’re perfectly functional, average toenails. But you see, I like them to be painted and pretty. Unpainted toenails, or at least MY unpainted toenails, depress me. I’m not one to get regular manicures or pedicures or even to have frequently painted fingernails. In fact, the only pedicure I’ve ever had was before my wedding seven years ago. But I do like to keep my toenails painted so that when I take off my socks and tootle around the house barefoot, they look cute instead of resembling winter mushrooms shocked by a sudden spring.

So why do my toenails depress me? Because I haven’t had time to paint them. No, that’s not entirely true. I haven’t had uninterrupted time to paint them when I felt like it and when they had time to dry. That’s more like it.

I am a stay at home mom with three kids 5, 3, and 1. I am the primary caregiver. Caregivers for the elderly or the young have much in common: constant, time-consuming responsibility that is both physical and emotional, need for respite or shared stress, and lack of time to tend to themselves.

In the grand scheme, painted toenails are a small thing, what we call a “first world problem.” But small things can add up to a broader picture of self neglect which if untended, can lead to depression. The word “depression” means “to lower in worth or value.” On one hand, we know that to serve others above ourselves is the very concept Jesus lived and died by. But on the other hand, when we lower our own worth to the point of becoming depressed, we are increasingly unable to ministry and serve others. We serve best when we have balance, loving ourselves and others, tending to both. Anne Lamott writes, “I get thirsty people glasses of water, even if that thirsty person is just me.”

Painting my toenails, eating a meal while it’s still hot, reading a book just for fun, these are small pleasures that represent pieces of the composite ME. If I deny myself everything I like, I become wasted and thin, weak and withered. I must fill up in Christ, in personal time, in small pleasures received by faith, in order to love others and serve them richly.

If you are a caregiver with primary responsibility, consider scheduling some small pleasures into your week. As you enjoy them, remember to love who you are and fill up on the love of your Creator who loves you, too. You might find yourself more refreshed and ready to serve as a result.

Read more of Ashley’s comments on her blog: 

Hugs,

My Mother My Child will make a thoughtful gift book for all ages. I am grateful for  testimonies from young and older who have been helped and encouraged.

Lessons Learned on the Caregivers Floor

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Lessons Learned on the Caregivers FloorMy concerns over needing more medical equipment and keeping Mother in bed all night were verified in the early morning hours when I heard a light thud. As I rushed into her room, I found Momma on the floor with her pillow and blankets.

“Momma, whatcha doin’ down there?”

She simply stared at me as I checked her out. Finding that she had not suffered any injuries, I had to determine what to do now.

“Are you having a slumber party?” Big smile and giggles.

“Can I join you? We can sleep in the floor—I would like that.”  She quickly responded with a huge smile and a childlike twinkle in her blue eyes.

With no one available to help me until morning, I rolled her over onto some warm blankets, pillowed her head, and snuggled in beside her for the night. This was the beginning of another adjustment in the ever-changing life of a caregiver.

Now was the time to get a hospital bed moved into our home and I was not ready.

I recall a few days later when I locked her in that bed, the clang of those cold bars as they clicked in place and her stare of disapproval. It didn’t seem right to lock my own mother up!

“Oh, Mommy, you gonna really like this new bed of yours. Look at this, you got blanket holders to keep your blankets on the bed so you’ll stay warm all night long.”

It was important that I not show any frustration in my expressions as I continued:  “And you have a brand new mattress—aren’t you just somethin’ now!”

For my mother in her situation, those silly little conversations helped us survive the constant changes without a lot of stress. Mother had become so much like a child, living in and for the moment at hand. She seemed to reflect the atmosphere around her.

For you it may be different.  The reality is the same in any given situation: our attitude and approach to situations greatly influence how others will react. Whatever the ages of the persons involved, a smile and kind word will generally make difficult situations easier to manage.

Did I necessarily want to giggle or to sleep on the floor? No! I wanted to share my frustrations with someone. I wanted to complain because she was in the floor and I had no help.

This one thing I can promise: “My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory.” Somehow He always gave me the strength and wisdom I needed to make it through. I hope you rely on Him for help and comfort.

Hugs,

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