Tag Archives: stress

5 Ways to Listen With Compassion

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          In our hectic, busy world, one of the greatest gifts you can give to your family and others in your care is to listen well. Compassionate listening is an art; it takes practice. It takes patience. It takes time.

            Charles Dickens has said: No one is useless in the world who lightens the burden of it to anyone else.  One of the best ways to lighten a load is to learn to become a good listener.

1     Try not to judge another persons reactions to a situation or give unsolicited advice. You may not relate to what the person is saying, but it is real to them. This can be tricky if you are caring for someone with memory issues; however, they need a compassionate ear.

2     Think about the person you are listening to. Consider their health and well-being. Are they confined to a chair, bed, or room for most of their time? Before you hurriedly walk away, think about the fact that you may be the only person all day that has actually taken a few minutes to listen to their story.

3     Learn to listen carefully for clues as someone talks to you. Do they sound overly concerned about what should be an insignificant matter? Could there be more to the story than is being said? Could there be hidden reasons for their concern?

4     Learn to give appropriate feedback. Instead of saying, “I know how you feel,” try saying, “That must be difficult for you.” Or simply say “I’m sorry you are feeling this way.”  As I visited with a recent widow this week, I could not say I knew how she felt even though I had experienced the loss of a husband. My experience was not hers; I can understand the hurt, but I needed to hear her story, hold her hand, and say “I’m so sorry.”

5     This last tip may seem to be the most obvious. However, it is often the most neglected. Give a smile and a gentle hug. A smile has a tremendous healing effect on everyone. Pray for the situation when appropriate; at least add the concern to your personal prayer list. A simple pat on the hand or shoulder and a genuine smile can make the day for someone. Good medicine for them–and good for you!

As you take time to really listen, you will reduce tension and build trust. I like to keep a small notebook handy to jot down concerns I have or things I want to remember for the next conversation. I need the reminders — you may not forget as I do!

You have a great week and as you listen to others, allow time to listen to Our Heavenly Father as well; He is the best Compassionate Listener!

Hugs,

Finding Balance and Counting Blessings

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Although tiring and often challenging, most days of caregiving are filled with rewards and blessings. There are times, however, when the stress and routine of the job seem to win.

Can you relate? The most menial tasks have suddenly become overwhelming. It has been a major struggle to care for yourself let alone others. Grumbling and complaining have taken your music and robbed you of your joy.

The concerns you are dealing with may be serious with no clear answers in sight. Faithful helpers have suddenly dropped out of circulation and you are left alone.

Adding to the stress, your long-awaited one-day outing has just been canceled due to an unexpected storm in the forecast.

Perhaps you are trying to make better menu choices for yourself, family and all in your care. However, today you are starving and there is no relief in sight! 

Now what? How do you pull out of such a deep pit and back into circulation? How do we escape?  

When I have times like that, all my helpers could show up at one time and I’d still be in the pit. I could eat the refrigerator and all its contents and still be starving. I know food is not the answer to my dilemma.

Recently I have found the Serenity Prayer to be a welcome reminder – I am not alone.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.  Are there things in my life right now I need to accept, deal with, and move on? The Lord will give the strength and peace I need if I ask.

… courage to change the things I can. What actions could I take to make my work run smoother? Do I need to accept help from others? Are there changes in the way I do things that would help? Could I use my time more wisely?

… wisdom to know the difference. God in heaven knows what is best for me. If I am to go through trials, He is there to comfort and to guide. If He desires change in my life, He will provide it as I yield to His will.

 This thought from Colossians helps put my day in perspective:  “Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men.”

As you serve others, I pray for you days of health, sunshine, and love.

Hugs,

Be sure to sign up for the newsletter and do let me know how things are in your world today. I care.

Caring for Others Palliative Care Option

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Needless stress can be alleviated as we learn options available. One object of this column is to help caregivers and caring families know about choices available. I was not aware until recently of palliative care; what it meant and who may need it. Perhaps, you also find the term unfamiliar.

As we learned last week, hospice care is generally for patients with life expectancy of six months or less. Palliative care is an area of healthcare that focuses on relieving and preventing the suffering of patients without dealing with the underlying cause. This care may be available in all disease stages, not simply end-of-life situations.

The rapidly growing field of pediatric palliative care has clearly shown the need for services geared specifically for children with serious illness.

Immediate palliative care is indicated for patients with serious illness and who have physical, psychological, social, or spiritual distress as a result of the treatment they are seeking or receiving. Palliative care increases comfort by lessening pain, controlling symptoms, and lessening stress for the patient and family, and should not be delayed when it is indicated. Palliative care  can increase quality of life and lengthen the patient’s life.

Depending on the circumstances and need, both hospice and palliative care are provided by a team of physicians, pharmacists, nurses, social workers, chaplains, various therapists, volunteers and family. It would be wise to visit with your primary physician concerning the help available to you or your loved one. As with any care, this may not be a viable option for you; be sure to become well-informed.

Several of you are facing complicated issues. From personal experience, I also know when in the middle of a crisis or potential crisis, it is difficult to make sound decisions. I cannot stress enough to communicate, not only with your health care providers, but also family and volunteers who may be helping you.

During the years I took care of Mother, it was often an aide or friend of the family who had been in similar circumstances and therefore, provided some timely information.

I believe our loving Heavenly Father equips many people according to their gifts to help others cope when the inevitable trials come. My husband has served as a hospice chaplain nearly twenty years and often shares with me how God has worked through ordinary people to accomplish great things.

My prayer is that you will trust and rely on Him for guidance in all your decisions and never lose hope.

Hugs,

Please let me know if you found this helpful to you. I would like to hear from those who have used this care. Next week we’ll look on the lighter side of caring for others. Blessings to you.