Tag Archives: mother

Saying Goodbye to Mother the Final Hours

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Mother celebrated her last birthday by staring over and over again at the huge stack of cards on her table. I wondered if she recognized any of the names. Or did she realize it was her 90th birthday? I took comfort in watching her smile as she carefully handled each one, knowing they brought blessing and pleasure to her for the moment.

Soon, too soon, she would again be taken to ICU and from there to a skilled nursing facility. Having the positive assurance of heaven made our expected parting so much easier. This reassurance was repeated several times before she actually went home. “Mommy, I’ll keep you forever if you want me to; but, I’ll let you go be with Jesus when you are ready.”

Holding her hands in ICU, I would sing old familiar hymns to her. Although she had not been able to verbally communicate in months, a few stanzas of “Rock of Ages” would spur her to “hum” along with me. Her hums and my singing left much to be desired to the outside world but I knew in my heart that our Father in heaven was honored and my precious mother was comforted. Amazingly, this girl that never sings in public could not have cared less who heard our duet.

Days later, in the skilled care nursing home, I caress her tiny, cold hand and recall all the work those hands have done in ninety years; good work and honorable. I think of all the care she’s given to others. I think how much those who didn’t get to know her have missed. I want her to go on home, but I miss her so much already.

At 6:40 God answered my prayer and Mother peacefully went to sleep. No more pain. I was blessed to be there holding her hand and singing to her:  “Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God, born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.”   Thank you, Jesus.

My prayer for you today is that those in your care are ready to go home; that they know Jesus personally. I pray that you have that assurance for yourself. What joy to know where Mother is; I look forward to seeing her again someday.

Today’s article is from pages in my book, MY MOTHER MY CHILD, and available through my store  .

Hugs,

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Facing the Reality of Caregiving the Final Journey

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            As I write this, a precious friend is in a hospital room, miles from here, loving on her mother and holding her hand until time for her to go Home.

            I remember that time with Momma. We knew she was slipping away; she was frail and tired and ready to leave this old world for a better place.

            “Mommy, are you just tired? Are you ready to be with Jesus?” I smiled at her, gave her little tender kisses, wiped her wrinkled brow and assured her it was okay if she wanted to go.

           This was too hard; emotions struggled with truth as the child in me wanted to hang on and keep her here. She was my momma, my security through all these years; my lap to curl on, shoulder to cry on, a hug to depend upon.

            Her journey had been rough the last few years. Her ninety plus years had worn on her frail body; she looked tired—she was tired. It would be wrong to pull her back if I could, but it was difficult to let her go. I knew life would never be the same for me.

            I wonder, how is it with you? Are your family members ready to face that time that we each must face? Are you? There is much to think about and do when caring for someone; many things you need in place for yourself. I have found an exciting tool to keep all the necessary information for our entire family in one place, easy accessible to those who need it. This is not simply for end of life issues, but for every day needs as well. Click here to learn more.

            If you are a hired caregiver, do you know what to do for your client when that time comes; what your job demands, what is expected of you? Can you help the family in some way to be prepared for the inevitable?

            As you read this column today, please know that as I stopped to pray for my friend and her family, I also took time to pray for each of you who will be reading this. I prayed for God’s wisdom and peace in your life and those around you. I thanked Him for you as you give so willingly of yourself, your time, your resources to care for others. I thanked Him for the countless lives who have touched mine throughout the years, encouraging, teaching, leaving a mark.

            Have a great week. Let me hear from you,

Hugs,

          

P.S.  “I know the plans I have for you, saith the Lord, plans for good to give you a hope … ” from Jeremiah 29:11-13.

Refreshing Wisdom from a Young Caregiving Mother

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My thanks to Ashley Haupt for today’s article. I appreciate her insight; I hope this will be an encouragement to all caregivers, whether for wee ones or the elderly.

My toenails depress me.

They aren’t particularly problematic. They’re perfectly functional, average toenails. But you see, I like them to be painted and pretty. Unpainted toenails, or at least MY unpainted toenails, depress me. I’m not one to get regular manicures or pedicures or even to have frequently painted fingernails. In fact, the only pedicure I’ve ever had was before my wedding seven years ago. But I do like to keep my toenails painted so that when I take off my socks and tootle around the house barefoot, they look cute instead of resembling winter mushrooms shocked by a sudden spring.

So why do my toenails depress me? Because I haven’t had time to paint them. No, that’s not entirely true. I haven’t had uninterrupted time to paint them when I felt like it and when they had time to dry. That’s more like it.

I am a stay at home mom with three kids 5, 3, and 1. I am the primary caregiver. Caregivers for the elderly or the young have much in common: constant, time-consuming responsibility that is both physical and emotional, need for respite or shared stress, and lack of time to tend to themselves.

In the grand scheme, painted toenails are a small thing, what we call a “first world problem.” But small things can add up to a broader picture of self neglect which if untended, can lead to depression. The word “depression” means “to lower in worth or value.” On one hand, we know that to serve others above ourselves is the very concept Jesus lived and died by. But on the other hand, when we lower our own worth to the point of becoming depressed, we are increasingly unable to ministry and serve others. We serve best when we have balance, loving ourselves and others, tending to both. Anne Lamott writes, “I get thirsty people glasses of water, even if that thirsty person is just me.”

Painting my toenails, eating a meal while it’s still hot, reading a book just for fun, these are small pleasures that represent pieces of the composite ME. If I deny myself everything I like, I become wasted and thin, weak and withered. I must fill up in Christ, in personal time, in small pleasures received by faith, in order to love others and serve them richly.

If you are a caregiver with primary responsibility, consider scheduling some small pleasures into your week. As you enjoy them, remember to love who you are and fill up on the love of your Creator who loves you, too. You might find yourself more refreshed and ready to serve as a result.

Read more of Ashley’s comments on her blog: 

Hugs,

My Mother My Child will make a thoughtful gift book for all ages. I am grateful for  testimonies from young and older who have been helped and encouraged.