Tag Archives: listening

Learning to Listen with Our Hearts

“Are you listening to me? Really listening?” Matthew 11:15 MSG

“I love the Lord because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.”  Psalm 116:1-2

I want to learn to listen like that! God inclines His ear to me when I talk. I want to hear with my heart so that I don’t forget what is said to me. I want others to know I do care about them.

Listening involves more than merely hearing.

We are wise to learn to listen. Especially today with so many diversions at our fingertips, focusing our attention on a single conversation can be difficult. As we put forth effort to become a better listener, we benefit others as well as ourselves. You may find, as I have, some of these simple tips are easier said than done!

How you appear to the one speaking may let them know you care.

1. Look the person in the eye as you listen. This may seem oversimplified or unnecessary, especially if you are busy meeting immediate needs and you genuinely feel you don’t have time for conversation. Pausing for a few seconds to look at them directly as you smile or pat a hand or shoulder is a visual sign you genuinely care and have their best interests in hand.

Your answers can help others communicate better.

2. Do give feedback that encourages further communication. No one wants to hear, “I know how you feel”. A better comment would be, “That must be difficult for you”. Saying “I’m so sorry you feel this way” will often help to win trust and build confidence.

There is a time to give advice and a time to wait.

3. Learn to listen without giving advice. This can be extremely difficult, especially if you feel you understand the circumstances. Make a note if you think this is a topic that may need to be addressed at a later time or with others responsible for their well-being.

Click here for what the Bible has to say about listening.

Learn why certain topics are repeated more than others.

4. Try not to get impatient with repeated conversations. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes; consider why these stories might be so important. Listen for clues that may help the person, family, or you as a caregiver.

Most people simply want someone to love them; to genuinely care about their needs.

5. Do not judge the person by what they say. You may not relate to what is said or agree, but you can show the courtesy of listening politely.

Knowing you care will build trust, help reduce tension, and release emotions. Taking time to listen, even for a few short minutes, will encourage further conversations and can produce life-changing results for all.

We can learn from Jesus who said, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heaven laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me: for I am meek and ye shall find rest for your souls.”   Matthew 11:28-29

Hugs,

Susie

5 Ways to Listen With Compassion

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          In our hectic, busy world, one of the greatest gifts you can give to your family and others in your care is to listen well. Compassionate listening is an art; it takes practice. It takes patience. It takes time.

            Charles Dickens has said: No one is useless in the world who lightens the burden of it to anyone else.  One of the best ways to lighten a load is to learn to become a good listener.

1     Try not to judge another persons reactions to a situation or give unsolicited advice. You may not relate to what the person is saying, but it is real to them. This can be tricky if you are caring for someone with memory issues; however, they need a compassionate ear.

2     Think about the person you are listening to. Consider their health and well-being. Are they confined to a chair, bed, or room for most of their time? Before you hurriedly walk away, think about the fact that you may be the only person all day that has actually taken a few minutes to listen to their story.

3     Learn to listen carefully for clues as someone talks to you. Do they sound overly concerned about what should be an insignificant matter? Could there be more to the story than is being said? Could there be hidden reasons for their concern?

4     Learn to give appropriate feedback. Instead of saying, “I know how you feel,” try saying, “That must be difficult for you.” Or simply say “I’m sorry you are feeling this way.”  As I visited with a recent widow this week, I could not say I knew how she felt even though I had experienced the loss of a husband. My experience was not hers; I can understand the hurt, but I needed to hear her story, hold her hand, and say “I’m so sorry.”

5     This last tip may seem to be the most obvious. However, it is often the most neglected. Give a smile and a gentle hug. A smile has a tremendous healing effect on everyone. Pray for the situation when appropriate; at least add the concern to your personal prayer list. A simple pat on the hand or shoulder and a genuine smile can make the day for someone. Good medicine for them–and good for you!

As you take time to really listen, you will reduce tension and build trust. I like to keep a small notebook handy to jot down concerns I have or things I want to remember for the next conversation. I need the reminders — you may not forget as I do!

You have a great week and as you listen to others, allow time to listen to Our Heavenly Father as well; He is the best Compassionate Listener!

Hugs,

Do We Care Enough to Listen with Our Heart

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No one cares about me.  “Don’t say that, I care!”

I keep hearing strange noises.  “Everything is okay, you are okay!”

I waited all day for you to come home.  “I’m sorry, I do the best I can!”

I’m no good for anything. Why don’t you just throw me in a hole?  “That’s so silly. Don’t talk like that!”

Well, dear friend, did I drag you down into the dumps with these conversations? Can you relate to a few of them?

Some of you are caring for or have cared for someone who seems to find a problem with everything you do. Perhaps they complain a lot, get impatient, and say the same things over and over and often wear you down.

How do you help them understand that you love them and really do want the best for them? How about sharpening your listening skills and breaking the habit of reacting to every comment made. Let’s look at the comments again with a different approach to each.

No one cares about me.  “Do you feel that way some time? I’m so sorry. I want you to know you are loved very much and we are very, very glad you are here.”

I keep hearing strange noises.  “Does that make you feel afraid? Perhaps you hear the heater or air conditioner coming on at night. (Or the pet cat or dog or ???) You can be sure that you are safe here.”

I waited all day for you to come home.  “Was it a long day for you? Perhaps we can find some things that interest you to help pass the time while I am gone. Have you some ideas?”

I’m no good for anything. Why don’t you just throw me in a hole?  “Do you worry about your health or dying? Are you missing your old friends? You are very special to us, we want you here for a long time. You can be sure you are important to our family.”

Of course, these comments would need adjusted to meet your particular needs. Did you notice the difference in reacting to a comment and really listening to one? When we really listen, we consider the person talking. Often they may still be grieving the loss of their independence, driver’s license, friends, health, eyesight. Their sadness, complaining and stubbornness may have more to do with those things than the situation at hand.

Learning to listen is a growing experience. Our nature is to solve the problem, give advice, encourage—sometimes, we argue or judge inappropriately. How much better to communicate with a listening ear. It does not mean the issue will not come up again tomorrow! (Note: this does not mean you must accept abuse or needless ridicule or guilt feelings. We’ll discuss this at a later time.)

We can learn from Jesus who said, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heaven laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me: for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

Hugs,

Read about my experiences in listening in  my book, MY MOTHER MY CHILD available here.