Tag Archives: help

Three Keys to Getting Unexpected Help Around the Home

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He doesn’t like doing the dishes. He isn’t one of those got-it-together guys standing ready to fire up the grill for a family outing. Help around the house does not mean in the kitchen. That area is almost foreign to him—unless he hears his name called for mealtime.

Imagine my surprise today when my husband came into the kitchen unannounced and begin scraping leftovers from a large bowl into a small one. Then, after finding lids to fit each one, he put them into the refrigerator. I glanced at him and smiled, and turned quickly back to my dish washing lest I somehow stop this miracle in progress.

“I don’t know if I’m doing this right,” he said almost apologetically.

“I’m sure it’s perfect. Thanks.”

We finished our work and took a second cup of coffee to the deck to cool off and rest a bit.

“You will never know how very much it meant to me for you to make time to help me today. Just putting the food away was an encouragement. Besides that, I really enjoyed your company. Thanks again.”

It seems as the years pass, we have become more sensitive to each other’s needs and try to be helpful when possible. That’s a given for most families. Today he taught me by example a lesson I think we all could benefit from.

When offering your help, do not simply pick the things you enjoy and ignore the rest. For my husband, helping clean the kitchen ranks down at the bottom of his list—way down. Not only that, I know he had work of his own to complete in the other room; he wasn’t in the kitchen with me because he was bored.

Here is what I believe are three keys to (eventually) getting help around the home:

  1. When help is offered, take it as it comes. I will never tell my husband he covered my dish of scraps and refrigerated them! Neither will I spend time wishing he had done things a different way; my way is not always the right way. (Incidentally, that has been a really difficult lesson to learn for me. How about you?)
  2. Do not drag people kicking and screaming to help you. Ask politely for help when needed. If refused or ignored, make the best of it. Each year my husband seems to be more comfortable helping with the kitchen, laundry, or cleaning. I think asking him to do small things periodically for me in those areas has helped him feel more comfortable and equipped to help more. A man (or woman for that matter) does not feel secure trying to help in unfamiliar territory.
  3. Do not spend your time complaining about not having help. Be thankful for the abilities and resources God has provided for you and try to enjoy even the most menial daily tasks. Be thankful you have someone to share with and let them know they are more important that what they will or will not do.

A verse in the third chapter of Colossians comes to mind about now that seems to sum this all up:

“And whatsoever you do, do it heartily as unto the Lord, and not unto men.”

May your lives be enriched by those in your home and those you care for as you continue to bless others along the way.

Hugs,

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How Modern Technology Can Help Us Care for Others

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Many of you simply care for your spouse and children and for others who may be living in your homes. Some of you are caring for elderly parents either in your home or theirs. Many are trying to manage the needs of a large family while working a full-time job.

How do you stay in touch with all of this? Do you have all the medical papers needed for each individual should a crisis arise? Do you have easy access to medicine lists, doctors’ numbers, and other vital information? Could someone else find the information if you were unavailable?

If you have a child with specific allergies or needs, do others in your family know what their needs are?

My brother faithfully called me from out of state every single week to ask about Mother’s condition and her needs.  I did well to tell him how she was that very day. Later I would recall information he needed but I had failed to tell him.

I’ve been exploring some ideas that may be helpful for you.  In doing so, I look for inexpensive to free and programs or items that are easy to use and understand (in other words, something even I could manage easily!)

In my next letter I will be sharing one of the best products I have seen for managing information for the entire family in one place. Be thinking now of those who may need this information and be on the lookout for Caring from the Heart next week.

Hugs,

Encourage a friend to sign up for the newsletter. Help is on its way! Also,  a copy of MY MOTHER MY CHILD would make a great Mother’s Day gift for any age.

Lessons Learned on the Caregivers Floor

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Lessons Learned on the Caregivers FloorMy concerns over needing more medical equipment and keeping Mother in bed all night were verified in the early morning hours when I heard a light thud. As I rushed into her room, I found Momma on the floor with her pillow and blankets.

“Momma, whatcha doin’ down there?”

She simply stared at me as I checked her out. Finding that she had not suffered any injuries, I had to determine what to do now.

“Are you having a slumber party?” Big smile and giggles.

“Can I join you? We can sleep in the floor—I would like that.”  She quickly responded with a huge smile and a childlike twinkle in her blue eyes.

With no one available to help me until morning, I rolled her over onto some warm blankets, pillowed her head, and snuggled in beside her for the night. This was the beginning of another adjustment in the ever-changing life of a caregiver.

Now was the time to get a hospital bed moved into our home and I was not ready.

I recall a few days later when I locked her in that bed, the clang of those cold bars as they clicked in place and her stare of disapproval. It didn’t seem right to lock my own mother up!

“Oh, Mommy, you gonna really like this new bed of yours. Look at this, you got blanket holders to keep your blankets on the bed so you’ll stay warm all night long.”

It was important that I not show any frustration in my expressions as I continued:  “And you have a brand new mattress—aren’t you just somethin’ now!”

For my mother in her situation, those silly little conversations helped us survive the constant changes without a lot of stress. Mother had become so much like a child, living in and for the moment at hand. She seemed to reflect the atmosphere around her.

For you it may be different.  The reality is the same in any given situation: our attitude and approach to situations greatly influence how others will react. Whatever the ages of the persons involved, a smile and kind word will generally make difficult situations easier to manage.

Did I necessarily want to giggle or to sleep on the floor? No! I wanted to share my frustrations with someone. I wanted to complain because she was in the floor and I had no help.

This one thing I can promise: “My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory.” Somehow He always gave me the strength and wisdom I needed to make it through. I hope you rely on Him for help and comfort.

Hugs,

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