handling grief Archives -

Dr Glen Pence wed us in a Joplin, MO blizzard.

Our Beautiful Family on Our Wedding Day; Debbie, Laura, Michael, Ricky

Memories, how they linger.

It was one very long month ago that my precious husband breathed his last breath here on earth.

Today, I pat his pillow and pray for strength to face another day without his loving arms wrapped around me. In the deepest trials, he assured me, “Susie, God has this. It will be okay.”

I know that, but I sure would like to hear him say it just one more time!

Celebrating Our First Year

God’s Word has been such a comfort to me. Our Father’s Love is boundless. Click here to check out these great scriptures.

Life is hard when you lose a loved one. When it is a spouse, every part of your life changes. I don’t like checking “widowed” on all these papers. I don’t like filling my own gas tank; carrying in the groceries, going to the mailbox, emptying the trash, making decisions all by myself.

But the love of friends and family keeps me going. God blessed us with four beautiful children. I am so thankful. Each did their part in caring for Russell and me in his final hours. Our daughters call often to see what I need, to share memories, to encourage. The boys are coming again this week to fix stuff around here for me.

I’m overwhelmed at the floral tributes, cards, calls, and monetary gifts given to Dallas County SBA Missions and Gideon Bibles in his memory. Literally from coast to coast I am getting comments of how his life has been an influence on others. Beautiful memories; such immeasurable blessings.

All this is good. However, right now I sure would like to have one more great big hug. Lunch is not the same without him wrapping his arms around me and blessing the meal. Going to Woods without his walking while I shop is lonely. And, I don’t know what to buy…I don’t need all that stuff he liked; not sure what I even prefer to eat.

Visiting churches each week is both uplifting and very lonely. I miss his hand patting mine; his affirming smile; how he showed his love for Jesus and for others. I went to revival last night; I missed hearing his comments on the great message and fellowship. Our DCASB Annual meeting is tomorrow; he should be there to give his report and encourage our pastors!.

Truth is, we have an entire community of “suddenly single” individuals trying to find their way in a new and different world. Not all share the same needs, but each long for someone to hold their hand and say it will be okay. Please pray for us as we seek God’s will in our lives individually, and in our community as a whole. The need is great for some support groups. Russell and I had talked since last Christmas about the need in our association and what God would have us do.

And, as you read this, consider your own family. Love them. Pray for them. Hold them close. Trust God to work in their lives as you give them over to Him.

Never miss an opportunity to say “I love you,” or “I am sorry.” And, drop me a note anytime.

Hugs,

If you have been involved in a support group or know of some good bereavement materials, please leave me a message at the end of this article. Thanks for caring.

Dealing with death of loved one and holidays.

Holidays are difficult for those who have lost loved ones. It becomes especially difficult to celebrate with family and friends when the loss is someone close, a parent, grandparent, spouse or child.

Adding to the difficulty is those feelings of “if only …” or “I wish I …” Often those feelings are not recent, but have been nurtured for months or even years. We can think “if only I would have done more, been more available, listened more closely, made better decisions,” Or, “I wish he/she were here for this gathering. I wish he/she could meet everyone, or see the beautiful decorations.”

We can be hurting others as we grieve.

When we dwell on the one who is absent, without realizing it, we may be cheating those who remain and even hurting them.

For instance, if you are at a holiday gathering or celebration and your thoughts and your conversations are continually dwelling on the one who has died, you are telling the host and the rest of the family that whatever they do will never be enough.

Tips to help face the seemingly unbearable during holidays.

Here are some ideas to help turn your thoughts away from yourself and onto others.

1. Accept the situation as it is: that person is gone; wishing it were different will only bring more sorrow and no solutions.
2. Remember fondly what your loved one enjoyed about the gatherings and honor them by expressing that joy for yourself and others.
3. Do not dwell on their absence. Everyone knows they are gone and sorely missed. Determine to love and honor those who remain and focus on their needs and preferences.
4. Occupy yourself with finding things to do for others. This could be real simple small projects or offers to help others prepare for the holidays. (A word of caution here, when someone says they really don’t need help, they may really prefer no help. If you sense that happening, move on.)
5. Volunteer during the holidays. Find some projects at church or in your community that you could help with and occupy your mind with others’ needs.

You can honor the one who is gone.

You will never forget that loved one, but you can honor his/her life by giving 100% of yourself to those who are present today.

Sending prayers your way as you prepare for a blessed and exciting time of Thanksgiving and fun.

Hugs,

For more tips on facing holidays with less stress, click here