Tag Archives: family caregivers

The Dilemma of Siblings Sharing Parental Care

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What if you are not the only child providing care?

Family caregivers face many daily challenges. These are compounded when several children are working together to provide care for aging parents. This scenario gets particularly complicated when none of the children live with the parents full time.

Let’s explore a situation where three sisters are working together to help their aging parents. With a storm-damaged home and failing health, the elderly parents cannot take care of themselves or their property without the girls’ daily help.

Two daughters leave their homes in alternating two-week periods to move in with the parents and care for them while a third daughter is available on weekends and shorter stays.

Now, three years into their journey, potential problems are surfacing and the need for a family conference is imminent.

What are some of the challenges of sharing parental care with siblings?

One of the challenges is continuity of care. No one caregiver is in the parent’s home longer than two weeks. This means a natural shift in how things are done. The basics are adequately met by each such as medicines, personal care, and nutrition needs. However, the methods vary with each daughter and can be confusing to the older parents.

Changes that come as more equipment and personal care is needed can mean moving furnishings and household items to accommodate needs. The parents can become insistent on what can and cannot be changed. Each caregiver has her own opinion as well.

Who buys groceries? Who pays bills? Who is responsible?

Originally, one daughter by default had the job of purchasing groceries and taking care of the bills. When another family member decided to purchase large stock of foods without checking with others, this caused extra expense, storage issues, and confusion.

The challenges are not limited to the inside of the home. Two parents and three daughters add up to five personalities with strong ideas about how things should be done. When one daughter began working with her parent’s beautiful plants, another felt it unnecessary to keep such large flower beds. Add a spouse with his ideas into the mix and you know it can get tense.

For this particular family, three years ago they were simply providing a temporary solution to a growing problem. They did not realize the parent’s situation would only worsen with time and there would be no end to the caregiving in sight.

Whether long-term or short-term, determine who is to be in charge up front.

Whenever you are considering helping care for someone, view the options carefully. Consider the fact that it may be more long-term than at first it seems. Take time to make some plans and determine who is in charge, the go-to person.

If you are entering a caregiving situation because of accidents, storms, or other immediate causes and have no time to work out the details of care, do what is necessary for the moment. Then, make sure to have a plan in place to schedule a meeting of all involved so that details can be worked out in an orderly manner for all concerned.

What can be done to simplify this situation?

Next week we will look at some specific tips for families and friends in this situation. Hopefully they will prove beneficial to you in whatever role you find yourself and your family.

Hugs,

Do you know others who are caring for family members or close friends? Why not invite them to sign up for my newsletter so they will get the great tips in the next letter? They will be helpful for anyone working with others to provide care for loved ones.

 

Safe Place to Share and to Learn

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Safe Place to Share and to LearnWhere you can go now to get information and share information.

As we look at statistics about caregivers and who they are, think about your own situation or someone you know who is caring for someone on a regular basis. Where do you go for help? Who will understand? I want to share a great place to find some help and encouragement.

A few statistics about family caregivers.

Three out of four family caregivers who care for someone over the age of 18 either work now or have been working while providing care. Two thirds have had to either give up their jobs or have made adjustments to their work life. One in five family caregivers have had to take a leave of absence.

Family caregivers spend an average of twenty hours a week caring for their loved ones. Many provide 40 hours a week or more.

You are not alone in your situation.

We can easily see that we are not alone in our struggles to care for others and ourselves. Years ago, I felt like I was the only person who would understand my frustrations and yes, even my joys. I would have benefited much from someone who had walked the path before me.

Two lessons I learned when caring for Mother.

Often we get overloaded and stressed out when we are not aware of helps available. I have learned two great lessons through my caregiving years:

1. I cannot do everything myself either physically or mentally.

2. It is worth my time to learn what others are doing in my situation; to explore options.

Here is information about my favorite caregiving website.

I have found this website to be full of helpful ideas and solutions from those who have been in a similar situation and learned from it.

This on-line resource has undergone some upgrades recently; there are many free articles, videos and e-books available as well as items to purchase. There are even contests and games if you have time for a little diversion.

I was privileged to write a few articles for some of their gift book series. The website address for Caregiving.com is http://www.caregiving.com and I think you will find it helpful.

For most of us, finding a safe place to chat and share our hearts is all we need. Talking things out is often the best answer to our problems. Please do let me know if this is helpful to you.

Hugs,

Looking forward to hearing from you; you are an encouragement to me. Watch for great news coming soon; you’ll be the first to know!

 

Every Person Needs to Understand Hospice Care

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Every adult, regardless of age or physical condition, will do well to become familiar with hospice care: what it is and what it is not. Family caregivers, professionals, and individuals need to be informed before major decisions have to be made for yourself or a loved one.

            Sudden illnesses or accidents can quickly disrupt any family. While many do not want to consider end-of-life decisions, much stress is alleviated as families are well-informed concerning future options. These decisions are better made before a person’s health is declining.

            Living wills are designed to simplify this process and to make sure individual desires are met with dignity and compassion. Living wills record personal requests for end-of-life care. Family members are then relieved of the stress of making decisions based on emotions or feelings of the moment. 

            Hospice is not simply an agency that moves in to hold hands of the dying as their life ends. The services they provide are invaluable. Here are just a few of the benefits of hospice care:

1. Hospice care will help free up the time of the primary caregiver and family members. You can be assured your loved one is getting good care.

2. You will have a nurse or aide available to answer your questions. Because their focus is on one patient at a time, they can take time to fully address each concern.

3. A hospice person will be up-to-date on the latest services available to help you as well as your loved one.

4. Hospice care can reduce ER visits and inpatient hospitalization which are costly and emotionally traumatizing for the patient and family.

5. Hospice care is often covered by Medicare and some insurance providers. Be sure to check what is available in your state.

6. There is children’s hospice services dedicated to improving the quality of life of children and young people who are not expected to live to reach adulthood.

Hospice began in the 11th century as a way to treat incurably ill and dying and to provide refuge for travelers throughout the world. Volunteers were counted on to maintain this movement and provide needed care. In other countries, hospice refers to a building or institution; here in the U.S. we refer to the service itself. While the very word brings the idea of impending death and sadness, hospice programs now focus more on helping patients live productive and pain-free lives as long as possible.

Now there is long-term care available, not just for the dying. Next week we will look into palliative care. I believe this will be an encouragement and help to you and your loved ones.

Please leave a comment below if you’ve found this helpful to you in your journey.

Hugs,

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