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Caregivers: Giving Thanks in Stressful Times

Posted on November 26, 2014 by adminOctober 26, 2016

Thanksgiving is a time to pause, enjoy family, and give thanks. For caregivers, families going through trying times, elderly and others, it can be difficult to see past the stress and count blessings.

Plans can change quickly, without warning.
A family going through trying times this week reminded me of the many reasons I have to be thankful. He had learned he has inoperable, terminal cancer. He is often in pain. They were making plans to finally visit family in other states this summer. She is saddened and confused as their earlier plans are on hold and she perhaps faces a future without him.

How can you give thanks when tragedy strikes?
What do they have to be thankful for? To celebrate? We had barely expressed our love and concern when each of them beamed through tears as they voiced their thanksgiving thoughts.
She: “Praise God, we have some months together; he is home for the holidays and winter. Our friends and family can visit often and we can enjoy what time we have together.” He: “God has been good to me through the years. I’m thankful for a good wife and family and a comfortable home to enjoy.”

A look at others gives hope and purpose.
She: “I am thankful for our good church family and friends who have brought us prepared meals so I don’t have to be concerned with how to feed everyone. I can turn my attention to him and to those who visit and call.”
He: (with tears streaming down his face) “More than anything else, I am thankful to say it’s okay, I know where I am going.”

If you get within hearing distance, he will ask you about your journey. “Are you going to Heaven? Are you sure?”
And she will give you hugs and ask how you are. “Can we do something for you? Are you okay?”

Turning our thoughts toward praise.

Do you find yourself grumbling or complaining when problems arise? It’s easy to get into that habit and lose sight of all we have. This Thanksgiving I’m determined to turn every single complaint, discouragement, or bump in the road into a “Thank You, Lord!”
Join me?

Hugs,

” … singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;” Ephesians 5:19-20 Happy Thanksgiving!

The Dilemma of Siblings Sharing Parental Care

Posted on September 23, 2014 by adminOctober 26, 2016

What if you are not the only child providing care?

Family caregivers face many daily challenges. These are compounded when several children are working together to provide care for aging parents. This scenario gets particularly complicated when none of the children live with the parents full time.

Let’s explore a situation where three sisters are working together to help their aging parents. With a storm-damaged home and failing health, the elderly parents cannot take care of themselves or their property without the girls’ daily help.

Two daughters leave their homes in alternating two-week periods to move in with the parents and care for them while a third daughter is available on weekends and shorter stays.

Now, three years into their journey, potential problems are surfacing and the need for a family conference is imminent.

What are some of the challenges of sharing parental care with siblings?

One of the challenges is continuity of care. No one caregiver is in the parent’s home longer than two weeks. This means a natural shift in how things are done. The basics are adequately met by each such as medicines, personal care, and nutrition needs. However, the methods vary with each daughter and can be confusing to the older parents.

Changes that come as more equipment and personal care is needed can mean moving furnishings and household items to accommodate needs. The parents can become insistent on what can and cannot be changed. Each caregiver has her own opinion as well.

Who buys groceries? Who pays bills? Who is responsible?

Originally, one daughter by default had the job of purchasing groceries and taking care of the bills. When another family member decided to purchase large stock of foods without checking with others, this caused extra expense, storage issues, and confusion.

The challenges are not limited to the inside of the home. Two parents and three daughters add up to five personalities with strong ideas about how things should be done. When one daughter began working with her parent’s beautiful plants, another felt it unnecessary to keep such large flower beds. Add a spouse with his ideas into the mix and you know it can get tense.

For this particular family, three years ago they were simply providing a temporary solution to a growing problem. They did not realize the parent’s situation would only worsen with time and there would be no end to the caregiving in sight.

Whether long-term or short-term, determine who is to be in charge up front.

Whenever you are considering helping care for someone, view the options carefully. Consider the fact that it may be more long-term than at first it seems. Take time to make some plans and determine who is in charge, the go-to person.

If you are entering a caregiving situation because of accidents, storms, or other immediate causes and have no time to work out the details of care, do what is necessary for the moment. Then, make sure to have a plan in place to schedule a meeting of all involved so that details can be worked out in an orderly manner for all concerned.

What can be done to simplify this situation?

Next week we will look at some specific tips for families and friends in this situation. Hopefully they will prove beneficial to you in whatever role you find yourself and your family.

Hugs,

Do you know others who are caring for family members or close friends? Why not invite them to sign up for my newsletter so they will get the great tips in the next letter? They will be helpful for anyone working with others to provide care for loved ones.

5 Caregiving Lessons from Moms and Grannies

Posted on March 18, 2014 by adminOctober 26, 2016

This morning at a meeting, I observed some of the greatest caregivers ever. Watching them I realize afresh, caregiving IS caring, period. A caregiver is a person of any age who takes time to care for those in their family or their sphere of influence.

I was in a planning meeting today with a group of women, young and not-so-young. from several of our area churches. When I left the house it was below freezing and the ground was snow-covered. I wondered if any would make it.

As ladies drifted in, one granny got her two young grandchildren settled with something to occupy themselves before she grabbed a cup of coffee and joined us. An older girl was likewise made comfortable by her grandmother before she found her seat.

As the hours passed, I watched a young mother quietly feed and care for her infant, meeting his needs as she contributed to the meeting.

Several of these women had risen early to prepare their homes for their return at lunchtime. Most had driven many miles in freezing weather to attend. We had a record attendance and the enthusiasm was contagious.

I could not help but think of the valuable lessons these little ones are learning from their parents and grandparents. Here are just a few I noted today:

#1 That they are loved, have value, and will be cared for even while the adults have other obligations.

#2 Keeping commitments is important, even when it calls for extra work or inconvenience. They will someday realize the value in serving others, even when it is not necessarily the easiest thing to do.

#3 They observed their parent/grandparent as a calm, organized adult meeting the needs of others even when they could have stayed home by the fire.

#4 They learned by their own actions how to respect and honor those around them; how to be quiet when the adults were busy in a meeting.

#5 And lastly, but certainly not least, they watched first-hand how important serving Jesus and His Church is to their parent/grandparent.

Today was simply a scheduled meeting with a bunch of ladies planning another retreat. Or so it was with some. For their director, it was a worship experience. Those precious ladies came caring for family, yes. They also came caring for their lost friends and neighbors. They came to serve. They are true caregivers!

I am humbled, honored, and blessed.

I wonder, what are you and I teaching in our home with our actions? I pray you and I, too, will never be too busy or too tired to be an encouragement to others.

hugs,