Tag Archives: caregiver

Facing the Reality of Caregiving the Final Journey

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            As I write this, a precious friend is in a hospital room, miles from here, loving on her mother and holding her hand until time for her to go Home.

            I remember that time with Momma. We knew she was slipping away; she was frail and tired and ready to leave this old world for a better place.

            “Mommy, are you just tired? Are you ready to be with Jesus?” I smiled at her, gave her little tender kisses, wiped her wrinkled brow and assured her it was okay if she wanted to go.

           This was too hard; emotions struggled with truth as the child in me wanted to hang on and keep her here. She was my momma, my security through all these years; my lap to curl on, shoulder to cry on, a hug to depend upon.

            Her journey had been rough the last few years. Her ninety plus years had worn on her frail body; she looked tired—she was tired. It would be wrong to pull her back if I could, but it was difficult to let her go. I knew life would never be the same for me.

            I wonder, how is it with you? Are your family members ready to face that time that we each must face? Are you? There is much to think about and do when caring for someone; many things you need in place for yourself. I have found an exciting tool to keep all the necessary information for our entire family in one place, easy accessible to those who need it. This is not simply for end of life issues, but for every day needs as well. Click here to learn more.

            If you are a hired caregiver, do you know what to do for your client when that time comes; what your job demands, what is expected of you? Can you help the family in some way to be prepared for the inevitable?

            As you read this column today, please know that as I stopped to pray for my friend and her family, I also took time to pray for each of you who will be reading this. I prayed for God’s wisdom and peace in your life and those around you. I thanked Him for you as you give so willingly of yourself, your time, your resources to care for others. I thanked Him for the countless lives who have touched mine throughout the years, encouraging, teaching, leaving a mark.

            Have a great week. Let me hear from you,

Hugs,

          

P.S.  “I know the plans I have for you, saith the Lord, plans for good to give you a hope … ” from Jeremiah 29:11-13.

Lessons Learned on the Caregivers Floor

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Lessons Learned on the Caregivers FloorMy concerns over needing more medical equipment and keeping Mother in bed all night were verified in the early morning hours when I heard a light thud. As I rushed into her room, I found Momma on the floor with her pillow and blankets.

“Momma, whatcha doin’ down there?”

She simply stared at me as I checked her out. Finding that she had not suffered any injuries, I had to determine what to do now.

“Are you having a slumber party?” Big smile and giggles.

“Can I join you? We can sleep in the floor—I would like that.”  She quickly responded with a huge smile and a childlike twinkle in her blue eyes.

With no one available to help me until morning, I rolled her over onto some warm blankets, pillowed her head, and snuggled in beside her for the night. This was the beginning of another adjustment in the ever-changing life of a caregiver.

Now was the time to get a hospital bed moved into our home and I was not ready.

I recall a few days later when I locked her in that bed, the clang of those cold bars as they clicked in place and her stare of disapproval. It didn’t seem right to lock my own mother up!

“Oh, Mommy, you gonna really like this new bed of yours. Look at this, you got blanket holders to keep your blankets on the bed so you’ll stay warm all night long.”

It was important that I not show any frustration in my expressions as I continued:  “And you have a brand new mattress—aren’t you just somethin’ now!”

For my mother in her situation, those silly little conversations helped us survive the constant changes without a lot of stress. Mother had become so much like a child, living in and for the moment at hand. She seemed to reflect the atmosphere around her.

For you it may be different.  The reality is the same in any given situation: our attitude and approach to situations greatly influence how others will react. Whatever the ages of the persons involved, a smile and kind word will generally make difficult situations easier to manage.

Did I necessarily want to giggle or to sleep on the floor? No! I wanted to share my frustrations with someone. I wanted to complain because she was in the floor and I had no help.

This one thing I can promise: “My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory.” Somehow He always gave me the strength and wisdom I needed to make it through. I hope you rely on Him for help and comfort.

Hugs,

Learn more from MY MOTHER MY CHILD available on this website. Did you sign up for the newsletter?

5 Easy Tips to Help Lighten Your Load

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Being Mother’s full time caregiver was often difficult work, filled with daily challenges. It took all the energies and resources I had available and then some. It changed my priorities, it tied me down and wore me out; it could seem to be a thankless job.

Can you relate? Are the tasks looming before you overwhelming at times?  Do you wish for help only to find the help was inadequate at best? Do you often feel you would have been better off to do the work yourself although you know you cannot do it all.

Like water heating in a teakettle; these feelings can quickly boil and soon break out into unkind words or actions if not held at bay. (I speak from experience here).

There are no easy answers or quick-fixes. People in each situation are different; circumstances vary; needs versus wants must be defined for your particular responsibilities.

Here are five simple ideas that helped me cope when the load seemed too heavy to carry.

#1 Breathe. Too simple? Not really! When you feel stress coming, stop long enough to look away from the situation and breathe deeply. Stand up tall, close your eyes and breathe in for five counts through your nose. Hold that a few seconds, then slowly breathe out through your mouth. Relax, repeat.

#2 Hum or sing a little bit. I confess I am not a singer (my entire family will agree). However, when things got really tough with Momma, I would sing softly, “Jesus loves me, this I know … “as I continued my work. Even today when life gets crazy around me, I softly sing that song and my spirit quiets inside.

#3 Exercise. Even when you feel you cannot do any exercise—no time, energy or ability—you can do something. A very simple stretch works wonders. Stand on tip toes behind a chair for balance and slowly lower and raise your body. Reach for the stars, one hand, then the other, then both. A few minutes every hour or so will help keep your blood flowing and your body limber.

#4 Write. Keep a notebook handy to jot down your feelings—good and not so good. Let all that anger flow from your brain through your fingers and onto the page. Don’t fail to find something good to write down about the one you are caring for and about yourself.

#5 Smile. Now, I know this suggestion sounds a little misplaced. Just try it, look in the mirror and smile—big, big cheesy grin. You tried it and giggled, didn’t you? Laughter IS the best medicine!

Perhaps caring for someone can be a thankless job and overwhelming at times. But truthfully,  it is foremost a fantastic blessing, an opportunity to be Jesus’ hands and feet to someone. It’s a privilege, an awesome responsibility, an opportunity to encourage, to make a hurting soul feel happy and loved. The ability to care is a gift from God.

“Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need! He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams. He gives me new strength. He helps me do what honors him the most.” (Psalm 23:1-3, TLB).

Blessings and hugs to you as you care for others,

Some thoughts taken from MY MOTHER MY CHILD available on this website.