Tag Archives: become a better listener

How Well Do You Listen

How Well Do You Listen

Union Mound Baptist Church Evening Worship

Look at the faces of Wayne and Barbara as they listen intently to Dr. Wade Paris sharing God’s Word from his heart.

I want to listen like that; not just to a speaker, but to every person who wants to talk to me. I want my face to light up with compassion and love. I want to really hear what they are saying.

Compassionate listening is an art; it takes practice. It takes patience. It takes time. In our hectic, busy world, one of the greatest gifts we can give to our family and to others is taking time to listen well.

Click here for some wisdom from the Great Listener.

Charles Dickens said: “No one is useless in the world who lightens the burden of it to anyone else.” One of the best ways to lighten a load is to learn to become a good listener.

Proverbs 18:13 “To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.”

Here are a few ideas as together we learn to become better listeners.

  • Try not to judge another person’s reactions or give unsolicited advice. You may not relate to what the person is saying, but it is real to them. This can be tricky if you are caring for someone with memory issues; however, they need a compassionate ear.
  • Learn to give appropriate feedback. Instead of saying, “I know how you feel,” try saying, “That must be difficult for you.” Or simply “I’m sorry you are feeling this way.” As I visited with a recent widow, I could not say I knew how she felt even though I have lost two husbands. My experience was not hers; I can understand the hurt, but I needed to hear her story, hold her hand, and say “I’m so sorry.”
  • Consider the health and well-being of the person. Do they have family and friends nearby? Are they confined to a chair, bed, or room for most of their time? Before you hurriedly walk away, realize you may be the only person who actually took a few minutes to listen to their story.
  • Watch carefully for clues as someone talks to you. Do they sound overly worried about what should be an insignificant matter? Could there be more to the story than is being said, hidden reasons for their concern?
  • This last tip may seem to be the most obvious. However, it is often the most neglected. Give a smile and a gentle hug. A smile has a tremendous healing effect on everyone. Pray for the situation when appropriate; at least add them to your personal prayer list. A simple pat on the hand or shoulder and a genuine smile can make someone’s day. Good medicine for them–and good for you!

As you take time to really listen, you will reduce tension and build trust. Go the extra mile. Keep a small notebook handy and jot down concerns or things to remember for the next conversation.

Have a great week and, as you listen to others, allow time to listen to Our Heavenly Father as well; He is the ultimate Compassionate Listener. He longs to listen to you!

Hugs,

Your comments are a part of listening; I look forward to hearing from you.

5 Ways to Listen Before Responding

5 Ways to Listen before RespondingLearning to listen before responding will insure more enjoyable business and family gatherings during the holidays.

Listening involves more than merely hearing.

We are wise to learn listen. With many diversions at our fingertips, it can be difficult to focus our attention toward a single conversation. As we put forth effort to become a better listener, we benefit others as well as ourselves. You may find, as I have, some of these simple tips are easier said than done!

How you appear to the one speaking may let them know you really care.

1. Look the person in the eye as you listen. This may seem oversimplified or unnecessary, especially if you are busy meeting immediate needs and you genuinely feel you don’t have time for conversation. Pausing for even a very few seconds to look at them directly as you smile or pat a hand or shoulder is a visual sign you really do care and have their best interests in hand.

Your answers can help others communicate better.

2. Do give feedback that encourages further communication. No one wants to hear, “I know how you feel”. A better comment would be, “that must be difficult for you”. Saying “I’m so sorry you feel this way” will often help to win trust and build confidence.

There is a time to give advice, and a time to wait.

3. Learn to listen without giving advice. This can be extremely difficult, especially if you feel you understand the circumstances. Make a note if you think this is a topic that may need addressed at a later time or with others responsible for their well-being.

Learn why certain topics are repeated more than others.

4. Try not to get impatient with repeated conversations. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes; consider why these stories might be so important. Listen for clues that may help the person, family, or you as caregiver.

Most people simply want someone to love them; to genuinely care about their needs.

5. Do not judge the person by what they say. You may not relate to what is said or agree, but you can show the courtesy to listen politely.

Knowing you really care will build trust, help reduce tension, and release emotions. Taking time to listen, even for a few short minutes, will encourage further conversations and can produce life-changing results for all.

We can learn from Jesus who said, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heaven laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me: for I am meek and ye shall find rest for your souls.”   Matthew 11:28-29

Hugs,

The 2nd Edition of MY MOTHER MY CHILD with new Discussion Guides is filled with practical helps and encouragement. Friends and family, young and old will find this book a valuable tool in caring for their families and end-of-life matters.