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6 Keys to Peace in Changing Times

Mr. Turkey and Missions’ Director Hubby Watching Kids at Camp

Treasure what you have now; be ready for change.

Changing times is not new. Every family faces challenges as children leave the nest. Often we become caregivers for parents or others. A sudden illness or job change can upset our routine.

My husband was my greatest encourager during the eight years we were caring for Mother. He carefully guided me through each decision, but he let me make the final call.

In 42 years, no matter the circumstance, he was always ready to help me physically, emotionally, and spiritually We had spoiled each other—we enjoyed talking, playing, and working together.

At first Mother’s care was minimal and my husband and I continued our daily routines. However, I never realized how our relationship suffered as I gradually spent more time and energy on her needs and less on his. Although this shift was inevitable, I learned some simple tips that made the changes easier. Perhaps these tips will help you in your situation.

#1 Become aware of your specific needs; then act.

A. Take time to ask your family or friends how the current situation affects them. Do they feel slighted? Are there needs they have you can still provide? Do they feel left out?

B. Realize you cannot go back to the way it was; life does not stay the same forever. The commitment to care for someone means your life and those around you will change.

#2 Grow better or bitter, the choice is ultimately yours.

My husband was precious, but he did not prepare meals, do laundry, or make beds. That wasn’t an issue with the two of us; or with the children at home. After Mom came, I did, however, catch myself envying those whose husbands could help in that way. Note: the Lord has a way of reminding us what really matters, and it’s not that sink of dirty dishes!

#3. Refuse to dwell on what you cannot change. Live in the present and make the most of it. Be open to new ideas, and new ways of doing things. If you are set in your ways like I am, this can be a difficult step, but well worth the journey. I remind myself daily, that it is people and not things that are important.

#4. Develop a new plan. What is it that you can do to encourage those around you? Does it seem you are pushing them away because of your busyness? Can you change your schedule to accommodate some of their needs as well? Perhaps, encourage #5 below.

#5. Accept help when offered, even when you know the task will not be done “right”. This was difficult for me. I learned it was okay if the towels were folded incorrectly or dishes and groceries were put away in a different place.

#6. Find a smile and see it reflected time and again on those around you. I am always amazed at the difference a simple smile makes. Try it on yourself—right now. Face a mirror with your eyes closed, smile real big, and look at yourself. (Did you chuckle?)

There will always be changes in our lives. Parents, kids, grandkids, other families, and friends move in and out of our lives seeking love and nurturing. With God’s help, we can learn to look up instead of down and enjoy the journey.

Hugs,

(Information for this article was taken from my book, MY MOTHER MY CHILD.)

Do You Feel Loved Like This?

Great Grandsons

Children and pets have a way of showing God’s love like no other. We can learn volumes from them.

#1 Do you feel wonderfully made? Or does the reflection in your mirror set the tone for your day? Your own negative talk can pull you under the rug before you leave the house.

“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139: 14

HINT: Before looking in the mirror or replaying bad thoughts in your head, work up a great big smile and repeat the verse above. Remind yourself you are God’s child and He loves you more than you can ever know. Trust me, it works!

Here are some inspiring verses about God’s love for you.

#2 Do you love others unconditionally?

“This is my commandment, that you love one another, as I have loved you…you are my friends if you do whatever I command you.” John 15:12,14

HINT: Give your world a smile. Seriously! It is free to give. Very few will not return it. For many, your smile will make their day; they need to know someone cares.

Two precious friends’ funerals were this week. One lady in her 90’s and a man in his 50’s. Both lived for Jesus through hardships and blessed times as well. Their influences will endure for years. They felt loved by Jesus; they gave His love to others.

Do you always greet others with a smile? Only through Jesus’ love in our hearts can we touch our world.

#3 Are you learning to be thankful in all things?

“Thank God in everything (no matter what the circumstances). Be thankful and continually give thanks to God; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18 Amplified

Are you in the throes of an illness, dealing with work or social issues, the heartbreak of relationships, family problems? We each are facing real issues today, God’s love is the only cure. Ask God to restore the love He has put in you. He wants to help you trust Him, forgive, heal physically and spiritually.

HINT: You cannot do this by yourself. There is only one solution. We need God to work in and through us every day.

. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalms 139:23-24

As I close this note, I am praying this prayer above for you (and myself). I hope you feel God’s love for you. It cannot be measured. It is always available.

Sending you love as I look forward to hearing from you this week.

Who Will Get Your Stuff or Make Decisions for You?

“ To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a time to die;” Ecclesiastes 1:

We can be sure each of us will leave our worldly possessions behind; perhaps even lose the ability to make decisions on our own. Are you prepared for that? Is your family? (All ages!) Are you sure?

Three families very close to me were not. PLEASE, think about yourself and your family as I tell you about them. (Names changed). Important resources will be at the end of the article.

#1 Joe & Jane worked hard to raise several children and grandchildren. Their well-kept home and properties were filled with heirlooms and fine furnishings. After Jane died, a family member moved in to provide care for Joe.

When Joe passed away, it was discovered there was no will, trust, or any other end-of-life preparations made. The caring family member had to find a place to live; the home and properties had to go into probate. No one was prepared to take care of end-of-life expenses or monthly bills. Numerous vehicles were now titled to the deceased only.

#2. I am praying for and helping two other families who have lost their parents and are now in turmoil with siblings who are demanding possession of more than they are entitled to. Without signed, documented papers to support decisions, it is left up to the courts to determine who gets what. In other words, the one affording the best attorney is often the winner. Please do not let this happen in your family.

If you (or family member) lose the ability to make decisions on your own; including health and well-being, who will do it for you? Will that person have the legal right to make those decisions? How will your assets and healthcare be handled?

For more information on Living Wills and Health Care Directives from Mayo Clinic, click here.

#2. My mother was very proud to still be in her home into her 80s. However, a sudden illness put her in the hospital a few weeks before coming to live with us. Mother had all her end-of-life paperwork in order, or so we thought. As the years passed, her memory loss became serious, While in a short-term care facility, an alert nurse encouraged us to help Mother get a Living Will or a Health Care Directive while she could still make decisions on her own. It was very, very helpful for us to know exactly what she wanted and have the authority to take care of her until she passed away at 90.

You can learn more about my care for Mother in my book, My Mother My Child. Click here for more information.

#3. I am praying for and helping two other families who have lost their parents and are now in turmoil with siblings who are demanding possession of more than they are entitled to. Without signed, documented papers to support decisions, it is left up to the courts to determine who gets what. In other words, the one affording the best attorney is often the winner. Please do not let this happen in your family.

If you lose the ability to make decisions on your own; including health and well-being, who will do it for you? Do they have the legal right to make those decisions? How will our assets and healthcare be handled?

In our culture with so many blended families, health issues, varying state and federal laws, it is imperative that you be prepared.

Certainly, I do look forward to that time when my hubby and I are reunited with Jesus! In the meantime, I want to leave only peace and contentment behind for my family and loved ones. I am doing all I can to keep each of them informed on my needs and wants. How about you and your family?

Please let me hear from you. Below are some more great links.

Hugs,

There is a wealth of information in this Hospic e link:

Dealing with emotions:

AARP Website also has valuable information for you to consider.