Help Archives - Page 7 of 28 -

6 Simple Ways to Encourage the Bereaved

Encourage the bereaved.

It seems every week I meet someone who recently lost a spouse, parent, child, or close friend or relative. Emotions are fragile and reality is often lost in the grief process.

We know we cannot take the hurt away.

Often we find ourselves in difficult circumstances and at a loss for words. What do we say? How can we show love and concern without seeming to meddle? Consider these helps as you reach out to the hurting in their time of need.

1.We do not all have the same needs.

This may sound like a no-brainer; however, the truth is, we generally expect others to react as we would in a given situation. We do not understand why they either cry too much, or they don’t seem to show their emotions at all. Give the hurting one time to sort out their feelings and to respond accordingly.

2. Food is not always the answer to our problems.

Forcing someone to eat will not necessarily “make them feel better”. The grieving individual may need some time to let emotions settle before he/she can eat. Temporary loss of appetite is often our body’s way of dealing with the pain.

3. Grieving persons may welcome news about your family.

Do not be afraid to talk about your own life and what is happening in the outside world that may interest them. Perhaps hearing about current events and your family may ease their load. At the same time, be sensitive to their need to talk about their loved one or share a memory.

4. Allow time for genuine grief.

While the grieving one is not looking for a pity-party, they do need adequate time to grieve. They need to be allowed to weep, cry, be emotional. The loss is great; it will take time to heal. This will come only as they are given time to work through their grief.

5. Do not stay away because you do not know what to say or do.

Visit the bereaved as you normally would, call, send cards. Your presence, your hugs, your smiles, and your prayers are most likely just what the doctor ordered. Each visit can give comfort and help pull them back into the real world.

6. Some people will need more alone time than others.

I am reminded that we must allow each person some alone time. Some need more than others. If you feel you are being pushed aside, consider they may need to spend time alone and honor their desires.

I’ve lost parents, grandparents, spouse, and more friends than I can count. My most precious memories during that time are of those friends who simply gave me a hug and smile and let me cry awhile on their shoulder.

I am sure the prayers of God’s family have held me up more than I’ll ever know. I pray for you that you will have those caring friends in your life; and that you will be faithful to pray for others.

Hugs,

Sign up for my newsletter and let me hear from you soon. For those who get the newsletter now, thanks! Spread the word! Let’s each be encouragers along our journey!

Making New Year’s Resolutions vs Setting Goals

New Year’s Resolutions are quickly made and easily broken. Somehow we believe the calendar page will turn and all last year’s problems will vanish.

Would you like to end the struggle and see results?

Follow these four simple steps to set small, attainable, measurable goals instead of vague resolutions. You will be as amazed as I at the immediate feeling of success from day one.

Step #1. Make a list of possible changes for the new year.

For a plan you will finish, spend a few days to work through these questions. Evaluate your answers; be honest with yourself.

a. Are you making resolutions (trying to change) to please others? Make sure your list reflects your unique personality.

b. What do you see as your greatest need this year? Is it really to lose weight, quit a habit, or exercise more? Or is your need to be a better person, draw closer to God, show kindness to others? Be specific.

c. Is there a pet project or unfinished task you really want to do but never have time to finish?

d. Are you pleased with your prayer life, devotions or Bible studies?

e. Do you feel you neglect calling on friends or sending cards of encouragement when needed?

f. Do you want to lose weight? Eat healthier? Be more physically fit?

g. Need help managing money, budgets, keeping house, etc.?

h. What would you like to learn? Sewing? Play an instrument? Gardening?

#2 Choose one goal from your list – only one.

This is the most difficult step. You may have an awesome list of worthy desires for yourself. It will be difficult to narrow it down, but you must do it to succeed this year. When this one goal is accomplished, you can move to another one as the year progresses.

Begin by carefully scratching through those that mean less to you. Take out any that may require more time and resources than you have right now. If needed, take a day or two to decide; you have a fresh new year and want to start it right.

#3 Prepare for success by planning.

With your one goal in mind, what do you need to accomplish it? Gather all the tools needed in a basket or a shelf or drawer. This may be recipe books, devotion guides, writing tools, etc.

Very important, write your one goal on several cards to keep in each room as daily reminders.

#4 Set a date to start working on your one goal.

Mark it on your calendar; schedule time for it. Plan to impress yourself with accomplishments.

Take it from one who knows; the sheer excitement of working toward one attainable goal will keep you motivated.

I am resolved to make no more resolutions; only goals — one at a time.

Let’s do this together. Let me hear from you. Pass it on.

5 Ways to Listen Before Responding

Learning to listen before responding will insure more enjoyable business and family gatherings during the holidays.

Listening involves more than merely hearing.

We are wise to learn listen. With many diversions at our fingertips, it can be difficult to focus our attention toward a single conversation. As we put forth effort to become a better listener, we benefit others as well as ourselves. You may find, as I have, some of these simple tips are easier said than done!

How you appear to the one speaking may let them know you really care.

1. Look the person in the eye as you listen. This may seem oversimplified or unnecessary, especially if you are busy meeting immediate needs and you genuinely feel you don’t have time for conversation. Pausing for even a very few seconds to look at them directly as you smile or pat a hand or shoulder is a visual sign you really do care and have their best interests in hand.

Your answers can help others communicate better.

2. Do give feedback that encourages further communication. No one wants to hear, “I know how you feel”. A better comment would be, “that must be difficult for you”. Saying “I’m so sorry you feel this way” will often help to win trust and build confidence.

There is a time to give advice, and a time to wait.

3. Learn to listen without giving advice. This can be extremely difficult, especially if you feel you understand the circumstances. Make a note if you think this is a topic that may need addressed at a later time or with others responsible for their well-being.

Learn why certain topics are repeated more than others.

4. Try not to get impatient with repeated conversations. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes; consider why these stories might be so important. Listen for clues that may help the person, family, or you as caregiver.

Most people simply want someone to love them; to genuinely care about their needs.

5. Do not judge the person by what they say. You may not relate to what is said or agree, but you can show the courtesy to listen politely.

Knowing you really care will build trust, help reduce tension, and release emotions. Taking time to listen, even for a few short minutes, will encourage further conversations and can produce life-changing results for all.

We can learn from Jesus who said, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heaven laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me: for I am meek and ye shall find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

Hugs,

The 2nd Edition of MY MOTHER MY CHILD with new Discussion Guides is filled with practical helps and encouragement. Friends and family, young and old will find this book a valuable tool in caring for their families and end-of-life matters.