Category Archives: Help

Caregiving Help Managing Time and Tasks

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09 babyStart by doing what is necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you’re doing the impossible. ~ St. Francis of Assisi

It is a fact, you cannot do it all.

It is true, caring for family is a full-time job; you will never be completely caught up. Let me ask you: If you have a list of things to do today; which will you do first? I can tell you, you will do the easier task first—the task that appeals to you most. That will leave the more difficult, time-consuming tasks until last.

You must be prepared for inevitable interruptions.

On a day when I was facing more work than I could get done, the telephone rang. (At least this time it wasn’t a telemarketer!)

“It’s a beautiful day, how about going to town with me for some coffee? We’ll not be gone long and you need a break. You work so hard.”

“I’d love to but I need to catch up a few things; perhaps another time.” As I hung up the phone, I was angry with myself that I could not make time for coffee with a friend.

As I wilted into the chair for my private pity-party, the choice became clear, I could sit and moan and groan or I could take action. I chose the latter.

Armed with a pad, pen, and determination, I listed my tasks. First I listed all the things that absolutely were necessary to get done today. Then I listed those things that could be done in steps—bite-sized chunks instead of the entire project at once. Lastly, I listed those things that someone else could do for me (if they would) or things that could be left undone.

Here are some helpful hints from my planning time:

  • 1 Accept the truth in the statement: A woman’s work is never done; you never catch up!
  • 2 Develop a simple plan that will work for you and stick to it.
  • 3 Instead of going to the store, consider adjusting the menu and using what’s on hand.
  • 4 Shake the habit of piddling with papers; if you can’t tend to them immediately, put them in a basket to work through later (maybe while you are watching television.)
  • 5 Choose only one or two books to leave out; put the rest away until those are finished.
  • 6 Take time to reward yourself for a day well spent.

I was now on a mission.

In record time I made a casserole for dinner using items in the pantry and freezer instead of going to the store. While the casserole baked, I quickly chopped up a salad and washed what dishes I had used. Then I cleaned the kitchen and finished what was necessary in the bedroom and bathrooms and swept the front porch.

I saw that I had time now to clear off the books and “stuff” that had made a home on the dining table. Here is where I often get bogged down; I read every piece of paper on the table and browse the inviting books. Today my priority was to accomplish my goal and clear the table.

I discovered much of my concern was projects that I would not get done anyway; there will always be something left undone. On my third list dusting the blades on the ceiling fans, some mending, and washing the quilts could wait until a more opportune time.  I could add mending to tomorrow’s list and make sure to include it in my schedule.

Wow! It’s still early in the afternoon and I am through with today’s chores. Where is my telephone?

“Cindy, are you still game for a get-together? Why don’t you come over and we’ll have coffee and cookies on the deck and enjoy this beautiful day? See you soon.”

“To everything there is a season, and a time for everything under the sun … “Ecclesiastes

Hugs,

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3 Tips: Coping After the Loss of a Parent

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3 Tips: Coping After the Loss of a Parent

Family caregivers develop a special bond with aging parents.

Mother’s death left a big hole in my heart; I miss her terribly. Family caregivers know how the bond grows stronger as you daily meet needs of a loved one. I miss hugging her neck every morning, tucking her in at night, brushing her hair, and watching her child-like smile when she was pampered.

Several years have passed since her death and I still want to head for her room to talk.  She left a big hole that none can fill, our entire household has changed. No other caregivers or help is needed; neighbors and friends from church have gone on to care for other families; it’s too, too quiet at times.

Home life can change in unexpected ways after a loss.

In our home, lively, colorful cartoons and kids’ shows have given way to old westerns and mysteries. My husband does not watch cartoons with me, but he would sit and watch them with her. It isn’t the cartoons that we miss; it’s watching her reaction to them. Mother loved the colorful characters and cheerful, lively music.  We miss the laughter that permeated the house so often as we tried to help fill her long days with beautiful memories.

As I look back upon the last few years, I see at least three things that have helped us in our home deal with that empty hole. Perhaps these few tips will be helpful to you and your family if you are caring for a parent or the elderly in your home or in theirs. At the very least, may it give you food for thought.

Develop a plan for the inevitable.

#1 If you are caring for someone in your home, consider what will be done with their personal belongings. For some readers, that may seem premature, but it is one of many tasks that will have to be taken care of eventually. Having a plan makes the transition less stressful on you and your family.

Mother and I shared a walk-in closet in her large bathroom. I had planned ahead where I would send her clothing; yet it was still very difficult to take things of the hangers and put them into a box. I did not want the entire closet; I wanted my mommy and her stuff! Working through that time is a natural part of the grieving process.

A note to spouses: I know widowers and widows who have kept things just as they were in their home after their mate died. This is generally very unhealthy; we must allow time to grieve and then face reality. For some it may be a few months, for others a longer period of time, but it must be done.

Choose carefully, you cannot keep everything.

#2 Keep a memory box. Again, this was difficult. I wanted to keep all she had touched; everything that had been meaningful to her. I carefully chose a beautiful wire basket and began to sort out the very best keepsakes from her last few years: two well-chewed children’s books, a small album, photographs, a little notebook she had scribbled in; and a yellow silk rose (her favorite flower).

This basket is not a monument to her, it’s simply a group of tender memories of treasured days gone by. The pretty basket serves as a gentle reminder of the child in each of us and the Faithful Father who unconditionally supplies our every need.

Try this third one, I promise you it will work.

#3 Purchase a pretty journal or notebook for yourself. When you want to talk to your loved one, write a note. Write your honest feelings. It never ceases to amaze me how God can use our written words to cleanse our souls. No one may ever read your words, in fact, they do not need to read them. This is a private conversation between you and your departed or between you and God. If you feel you are not a writer and what you would write may not make sense, even be a little silly, try it anyway.

Life is a journey. Sometimes it’s a rough one and our emotions seem to have the upper hand. Take time to reflect on the good memories. Take time to daily love God and allow Him to love on you. The best way to honor your loved one is to be a blessing to someone else.

Portions of this article taken from My Mother My Child.

Hugs,

My Mother My Child now available as an e-book at Amazon.com and major bookstores. Check out the new book trailer on the right of this page.

4 Vital Steps in Caring for Others

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4 Vital Steps in Caring for OthersEach day provides opportunity for error regardless of your situation.

Whether you are dealing with a short-term medical issue, a lengthy illness or care of the elderly, you may face seemingly endless moving the patient from home to the hospital, to an extended care facility and hopefully back home. Each move provides opportunity for error as patients are placed into a strange environment with people tending to them who are not familiar with their situation.

Here are several suggestions to make each transition easier on you as caregiver as well as for the patient. Quite often it is the simple, routine things unattended that cause major interruptions in care.

1. Keep a list of current medications and have them available to attendants as needed. Also, be sure to check this list against their list to make sure all of the medicines were transferred properly from one place to another. This is so very, very important and takes little time on your part.

2. Get to know the team even if the stay is to be brief. I continue to be amazed at the noticeable difference in care when I take time to learn the attendant’s name and treat each with respect. Most are there because they love people and want to provide adequate care for each patient. Too often they work under difficult conditions and long hours. A friendly encounter can be a breath of fresh air to a weary soul.

3. Keep the primary physician and others attending informed of all changes in behavior, eating habits, and reactions to foods or medicines. (I did not communicate well with Mother’s physician when she began not to talk. I thought it was just her stubborn will. Was it, or was something else going on that he may have been able to help?)

4. When making even minor decisions, consider the patient — make them according to their needs and preferences and not yours alone. Look around the room before you leave, do you need to tidy up the nightstand or close the blinds. Sounds trivial, doesn’t it? Would it be if you were flat on your back and couldn’t do anything all night and day but worry about the irritation, whatever it might be?

I’m thankful for each hospital and health care facility and the many dedicated people who work in them. Generally they proved to be a safe haven for Mother, a place for her to get good care, as well as a place for me to get a much-needed rest from the daily responsibilities of decision making. However, I soon found it was not a time to sit idly by and entrust her care entirely to others.

You have to be an advocate for

A nurse told me early on, “you have to be an advocate for your mother. You must check and recheck and let people know when things are not right.” I was tired and hurt and scared. I didn’t want to be a strong patient advocate any more; I wanted Mommy to hold me and tell me it was going to be okay.

Often I found comfort and encouragement in God’s Word, I trust you will, too. “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God’s peace … “ Philippians 4:6-7

Hugs,

Thoughts gleaned from my book, MY MOTHER MY CHILD. Click here to learn more.

Also available as e-book, click here: MY MOTHER MY CHILD Kindle Edition