Keeping a Journal When Caring for Family

June 15th, 2013

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Do you find it difficult to journal, or are you one of those persons that jot down every tiny thing that happens? Some find it hard to put into words their feelings while others think it unnecessary.

Let me share with you a few of my journal entries written in January five years before Mother died:
Mother is watching the parade of colorful birds feeding outside the window, including more than a dozen bright red cardinals. The sun is coming up over the hill adding diamonds to the snow-packed yard. Crystal limbs hang heavy and beautiful in the shimmering sunlight. After days of being extremely ill, she is doing great and going to be okay. The promise of a new day beckons and I’m ready! It’s a new year, time for renewed commitments; hopes for a better tomorrow.

Only three days later I wrote:
I have such an overwhelming sense of my need for the Lord today. Mom’s been so sick again. I wonder if she’ll need to be hospitalized. I checked on her then sat down with my Bible. Before turning a page, I felt those tears run down my cheek and my spirit praying, “Lord, I need You. I am so totally helpless. I cannot make these decisions concerning Mother and our family without You. Little seemingly ordinary decisions loom heavy in my heart and I need You so much.”

One week later the journal continues:
I’m so excited I can barely contain myself. Earlier as I snuggled on Russell’s shoulder and we talked, I felt a renewed sense of wonder and peace. When I took Mother’s second cup of coffee to her room, she was as bright-eyed and full of smiles as she ever had been. She had brushed her own hair and was eager to face this new day. And so am I.

I am so thankful to have these writings; most of which no one will ever read. Many of them are too personal to share, at least for now. However, having the journals has given me a sense of peace about my years of caring for her. When I begin to wonder if I could have done more, I can look back and realize what a difficult time it was for each of us. I can know that we were in God’s hands and did the best we could.

Reading these entries reminds me how much we loved her. I can recall God’s overwhelming presence in the most difficult times and find comfort. I see how He showered us with His blessings over and over again.
You do not need to be a writer to journal. You may never ever write a book or even a short story. You may not want to share any of your journaling with a single soul and that is okay. But, I challenge you to write anyway. It’s therapeutic to write your feelings down on paper. Writing from the moment of confusion, anger or even the feeling of helplessness will often help sort things out later. The key is to write your thoughts as soon as you can and close the book.

You will find many of my journal entries in my book, MY MOTHER MY CHILD. I will tell you honestly, there are volumes of notes left out. These, at least for now, are shared only by God and me. They are written on napkins, scrap paper, sales receipts, whatever was handy at the time. They are priceless personal treasures.

I pray you will make some priceless personal treasures of your own this week. Try it, I promise you’ll like it. Let me hear from you.
Hugs,

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Saying Goodbye to Mother: the Final Hours

June 10th, 2013

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Mother celebrated her last birthday by staring over and over again at the huge stack of cards on her table. I wondered if she recognized any of the names. Or did she realize it was her 90^th birthday? I took comfort in watching her smile as she carefully handled each one, knowing they brought blessing and pleasure to her for the moment.

Soon, too soon, she would again be taken to ICU and from there to a skilled nursing facility. Having the positive assurance of heaven made our expected parting so much easier. This reassurance was repeated several times before she actually went home. “Mommy, I’ll keep you forever if you want me to; but, I’ll let you go be with Jesus when you are ready.”

Holding her hands in ICU, I would sing old familiar hymns to her. Although she had not been able to verbally communicate in months, a few stanzas of “Rock of Ages” would spur her to “hum” along with me. Her hums and my singing left much to be desired to the outside world but I knew in my heart that our Father in heaven was honored and my precious mother was comforted. Amazingly, this girl that never sings in public could not have cared less who heard our duet.

Days later, in the skilled care nursing home, I caress her tiny, cold hand and recall all the work those hands have done in ninety years; good work and honorable. I think of all the care she’s given to others. I think how much those who didn’t get to know her have missed. I want her to go on home, but I miss her so much already.

At 6:40 God answered my prayer and Mother peacefully went to sleep. No more pain. I was blessed to be there holding her hand and singing to her: “Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God, born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.” Thank you, Jesus.

My prayer for you today is that those in your care are ready to go home; that they know Jesus personally. I pray that you have that assurance for yourself. What joy to know where Mother is; I look forward to seeing her again someday.

Today’s article is from pages in my book, MY MOTHER MY CHILD, and available through my store .

Hugs,

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Family Caregivers – You or Someone You Know?

June 7th, 2013

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Often when the word caregiver is mentioned, we think of the elderly. This is especially true when referring to family caregivers. I found the following statistics enlightening:

According to a recent study by the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) and the National Council on Aging (NCA):

• One in three adult caregivers is also raising a child under the age of 18.
• Someone caring for a parent has been doing so for an average of 20 hours a week for four years.
• One in three adult caregivers is helping their family member get dressed or go to the bathroom.
• Nearly two-thirds of adult caregivers take time off during the workday, while 17 percent take a formal leave of absence and 10 percent take early retirement.
• About 70 percent of adult caregivers get help from family members, friends, or neighbors.
• About 40 percent rely on help from paid caregivers.
• Someone caring for a spouse spends more than 30 hours a week directly caring for their loved one and is less likely to get help from relatives or friends.

Are you caring for someone in your home, or in theirs? If not, you probably know someone who is. Have you considered how you might be of help to them?

We know the most important thing we can give them is our prayers support and our unconditional love. Often a quick visit and a hug will help a weary soul make it through one more day.

I want to encourage you if you are a family caregiver; you are not alone. You are doing one of the most important jobs there is, caring for those who cannot care for themselves.
I pray you will be surrounded with friends and loved ones who care for you. Also, I hope you will take advantage of helps on my website and other caregiving websites.

If you or someone you know needs an extra lift, I recommend Psalm 23 for Caregivers as a great book to have on hand. There is nothing more refreshing than a look at God’s Word and the realization that He walks with us and loves us as no one else can.

Hugs,

Help and encouragement is also found in MY MOTHER MY CHILD in the store.

Helps when facing Dementia or Alzheimer’s

June 4th, 2013

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“It’s just old age, don’t be concerned about it. We’ll all be there someday.”

I recall hearing those statements as a child when Granny would forget the simplest of things. It was common to believe that, as she got older, she would automatically lose her memory. Thankfully, today there are ways to differentiate between the normal aging process and those more severe problems that need to be addressed.

Often some of those symptoms are due to vitamin deficiencies, medication side effects, or other conditions that can be treated. It is so very important to be observant, keep notes, and inform the medical staff of any changes in memory or behavior.

It is difficult to care for someone and watch them begin to lose their ability to think, talk, or connect with others in a rational way. Both Alzheimer’s and dementia can strike people as young as 30s; they are not simply diseases of the elderly.

Alzheimer’s disease is the sixth leading cause of death in the United States. It destroys brain cells thus causing varying states of memory loss. Through clinical trials and advanced research, progress has been made on slowing down this process; however, there is no known cure at this time.

I find it interesting that, at least in the early stages, most caregivers are family members. Nearly 15 percent of those are long-distance caregivers, living an hour or more away from their loved ones. If you find yourself in this situation, know you are not alone. There are helps out there for you and others who have walked the path before you.

One helpful tool is a daily journal. You cannot possibly write down everything but you can note the major changes in a person’s behavior. Did your loved one simply forget an appointment this week, or has this been happening more frequently? As you are faithful to write down changes, you may see a pattern develop which could prove helpful in treatment.

One of the best helps I have found is in a book featuring 300 very good suggestions and helps. Whether dealing with dementia or Alzheimer’s, you will find the tips easy to follow and extremely helpful.

I’m thankful we are learning more about dementia and other illnesses. I’m thankful for those of you who spend your valuable time caring for those who cannot care for themselves. Watch for future articles with helpful hints and encouragement.

Hugs,

Thanks for signing up for my newsletter by checking the purple box at the top right of the page; I look forward to hearing from you.

Growth and Maturity when Caring for Others

May 23rd, 2013

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Do you recall when you finally realized you were all grown up?

Was it when you turned 13 and all of a sudden you knew all you needed to know to make it just fine on your own? Family and friends simply had to understand you were grown up!

Was it 16, 17, or 18, and you experienced new freedoms and broader horizons than those young “kids” did not have?

Perhaps for you it was 21 and you were finally free of so many restrictions. Now you could show the world how things were to be done.

A better question for us today may be, “when did you come to know that there is no such animal as ‘all grown up.’” We never reach maturity. We are forever learning, growing, and discovering.

Personally, I’m thankful we never stop learning. We learn from our failures as well as from our accomplishments. We learn from others, especially from those in our care.

Have you noticed how God uses your daily trials and experiences to help you see yourself more clearly? Life experiences with family and friends cause us to see ourselves more clearly. Often feelings rise up unannounced such as anger, guilt, isolation, loneliness, discouragement. We may feel unappreciated, even neglected at times.

I know that it is only through Christ that I can face these issues head on. He gives us the strength to continue and the courage to work through any problems with His help. I’m so thankful for that Friend that sticks closer than a brother. I hope He is your Friend, too.

Although it seems Psalm 23 is most often used at funerals to comfort and assure families, it is one of my favorite everyday Scriptures. It’s a reminder of a Father’s love that reaches to the least of us in the best and worst of times.

Have a great week and take care of you.

Hugs

In my book, MY MOTHER MY CHILD, I share how God helped me grow in ways I could not imagine. Look forward to hearing from you.

May 18th, 2013

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Quick Healthy Recipes: Dressing Up Canned Veggies

May 17th, 2013

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Eating healthy may mean learning to like new vegetables such as broccoli and cauliflower. It may mean serving meats that are not deep fried or laden with sauces and gravies. Caring for others includes doing all we can to give them good nutrition and that can be a challenge.

What’s a gal to do when hubby wants only the vegetables he knew from childhood: green beans, peas and potatoes? The green beans were cooked in bacon grease and laden with bacon pieces. Peas and potatoes may have been swimming in a rich, creamy white sauce and butter. Take away the sauces and such and you are left with a plain dish that can get old quickly.

I enjoy the frozen or fresh vegetables best; however, time constraints and budget often pull me to the cabinet to grab a can of something. Today we will look at a couple of ways to dress up canned vegetables without adding a lot of calories and fats.

GREEN BEANS ITALIAN STYLE

drain and rinse two cans of green beans

stir in one can of chopped Italian tomatoes

heat and serve

Now that was easy, wasn’t it? Try other combinations and you’ll be surprised at how good a plain ole can of green beans will taste.

For a more festive meal; try replacing the traditional calorie-laden green bean casserole with FESTIVE VEGGIE CUPS.

Drain two cans of green beans, rinse, and heat in skillet with small amount of olive oil. Season to taste–experiment with basil, dill or other herbs.

Trim crusts from eight slices of whole grain bread, lightly butter. Carefully push center of bread slices down into a muffin tin. This will form a pocket with four corners sticking out. Toast slightly in oven. Scoop a couple of spoons of warmed green beans and top with one or more of the following: pimento and slivered almonds, chopped onion, a sprinkle of grated cheese or Parmesan, or a dollop of sour cream.

I found some quick and healthy recipes and ideas in this cookbook by Brenda Ponichtera for using familiar ingredients as well as adding some new items to our menu. The recipes are easy to prepare, nutritious, and especially valuable to those who say they don’t have time to cook healthy meals.

Bottom line: be brave, experiment. Do all you can to make mealtime a special time with your family as you enjoy the bounty God has provided. Let me hear from you with your ideas. Enjoy!

Hugs,

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Is Happiness a Choice?

May 15th, 2013

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Today I would rather be many places other than here. Inside this home are people I must care for and an endless list of needs to somehow get done by evening. As I open a window to let in the fresh spring air, I gaze at the flower-laden hillside and hear the birds calling me outside.

I do not like the idea of having to work; I feel resentment raising its ugly head inside me. It seems unfair somehow that I have to be inside while others are enjoying the sunshine. I could quite easily become a grumpy old woman today.

John Ortberg has said: “What repeatedly enters your mind occupies your mind, eventually shapes your mind, and will ultimately express itself in what you do and who you become.”

Happiness, therefore, is a choice. I can choose to feel sorry for myself that I have to work. I can choose to be hateful and snippy with those in my care. I can somehow stumble through and leave at the end of the day unhappy and frustrated.

Or, I can choose to rejoice and be glad in this day. I can enjoy the view from the window; and be thankful for the beauty and for the fresh, clean air to breath. I can share cheerfully the day with the one I’m caring for and rejoice.

I can plan a little better and organize my “has to be done list” to allow for short breaks. I can smile more and grumble less.

So, for me, for this day, I will choose happiness. Will you? We can make it together, one day at a time.

From Psalm 23: The Lord is my shepherd … He restores my soul.

Hugs,

5 Tips for Caring for Mom: Moving Out of a Home

May 9th, 2013

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“ If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” There is some truth to that statement!

For many of us, our entire lifetime has been guided somewhat by trying to please our parents, mothers in particular. Engrained into our very being, this thinking will have a major influence on us when we are called upon to help make decisions concerning their care.

I recall as a young married woman, how nervous I was in preparing a family meal for my parents. I was afraid it would not be cooked just right or served correctly. It was very important to me that Mother be pleased.

We love our parents and want the best for them. When age and health issues begin to take their toll, these changes often cause unhappiness and stress. Many times this unhappiness shows up as anger and resentment toward those closest to them; often adult children who are simply trying to help.

We want to fix everything, make it all right like they did for us as children. The truth is, they did not always have the right answers for all our problems then no more than we have for theirs now.

Here are some helpful things to keep in mind as you and your family adjust to the inevitable changes of life.

#1 Accept the situation as it is, not what you wish it were. Try to look objectively at current conditions and make choices accordingly. Is your loved one still capable of caring for themselves and their home? Can you make some needed adjustments to their home to make it a safe place for them to stay? Could you hire someone to stay nights with them?

#2 Include all of your family in the decision making process. What you decide will ultimately have an affect on your household. Will it mean more time away from home for you? Is it an option to open your home up to care for them? What will that involve? Will your family be supportive?

#3 You need not feel guilty because your circumstances prevent you from caring for a loved one in your home. There are many legitimate reasons this option is not always the best for all concerned. You have your own health and your family to consider. You may be talking about a 24/7 change that could last years.

#4 Should a move from their home be required, you are not responsible for how your loved one will adjust to new surroundings. It is your responsibility to see to the best of your ability the care is adequate. However, happiness depends upon them.

#5 Find support for yourself and your family. This probably should be number one on the list; support is invaluable. As those who have walked the path before share their experiences, you will save yourself much heartache. You also will realize you are not the only one going through these tough times.

As I write this, Mother’s Day is just around the corner and I find myself missing mine all the more. Caring for her those years was difficult, often heart-wrenching, tiring, and most of all, the most rewarding time of my life. I treasured each smile, kiss and hug from Mother during those years. It was a God-given honor to care for her, I praise God for that opportunity.

If you cannot hug your mother this year, find a momma to hug on; hugs never go out of style and all mommas need more than one; and so do we “kids”.

Hugs and blessings,

Check out my store; learn more about Mom and me in my book, MY MOTHER MY CHILD.

Encouragement from Sun, Snow, and a Bowl of Soup

May 3rd, 2013

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The sun seemed to shine brighter than ever as we made our way to town Tuesday. Dry brown fields had given way to vibrant green grasses and wildflowers. Tiny birds and squirrels were announcing spring to cattle caring for their babies on the hillsides.

Wednesday, a few gals popped in to help me weed our flowerbeds and mow grass. I’m thankful for friends who give of their time to come to our aid. Work, weather, and just plain weariness has taken it’s toll this year on us “older” folk.

It is now Thursday as I write this letter. It has been cold all day, windy and rainy. We brought some plants inside and covered some as the temperatures plunged throughout the day. It’s barely above freezing now and the forecast is for snow later tonight into the morning. SNOW! Mercy! A daughter-in-law from Joplin called to say it was raining steadily there right now and looks to be turning into sleet.

Let us review: Tuesday near 80, Wednesday work in yard, Thursday find snow shovel! Missouri – gotta love it!

I put on a big pot of stew early this morning and prepared to stay in until warm weather. The only way I know to share a bowl with you is to send the recipe. It’s quick, easy, and yummy on the tummy!

Quick and Easy Stew

1 large boneless round steak (1” squares)
2 cups potatoes (cut in 1”squares)
2 cups carrots (sliced thick)
1 cup onions (sliced)
2 cups green beans (I use fresh frozen)
1 can tomato soup
1 can cream mushroom soup
1 can celery soup
3 cans water

Brown meat, mix all ingredients in large pan and cook on low about three hours. You can substitute chicken breast for steak or lean ground beef and add your favorite vegetables. Variations are endless.

Changing weather simply reminds us spring and summer are upon us. Farmer’s markets are already filled with fresh fruits and vegetables with more to come. Be prepared to enjoy new healthier foods for yourself and those in your care. Click here for more information. You will learn how to create your shopping list, prepare foods for storage, and dozens of helpful hints as well as great, easy to prepare recipes that will save you time and dollars.

Trusting you and those you care for will enjoy God’s creation in all it’s beauty. Have a great week.

Hugs,

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One of the best helps I have found is in a book featuring 300 very good suggestions and helps. Whether dealing with dementia or Alzheimer’s, you will find the tips easy to follow and extremely helpful.

23rd Psalm